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Dia de los Muertos Empty Dia de los Muertos

Post by Jason Spade on Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:29 am

On this episode of The Adventures of the Fatal Felines, our heroes have begun their celebrations for Dia de los Muertos… Day of the Dead!

The scene fades in to reveal Golden Cat, dressed in an all-white version of his costume, in the midst of draping a white sheet over Angus, their loveable sidekick.

“mrowr”

“Yes Angus, but the regular-sized kitty costume didn’t fit, so we have to make due. Don’t worry, Peligrosso made sure the eye holes were cut out before we made the costume this time. Speaking of… Peligrosso! Is the pizza here yet?”


A voice is heard shouting off in the distance.

“Si! It will be here in four minutes ago!”


Golden Cat and Angus exchange confused looks, before Golden Cat shrugs and continues working on the cat’s costume.

“You know, Angus, a lot of people don’t know this, but I am from Puerto Rico and we don’t usually celebrate Dia de los Muertos. But it means a lot to Peligrosso because his grandfather was the reason he became a luchador, so he likes to make sure he puts his picture on the ofrenda.”

“mrowr”

“I forget, but I think it had something to do with dogs. Peligrosso doesn’t like to talk about it.”

“Okay, it’s ready!”


Danger Cat once again shouts from the distant room.

With a grunt, Golden Cat picks up Angus and walks him down the hall. The two walk in to Danger Cat sitting near a giant shrine. The traditional candles and flowers circle the shrine, as well as a symbol of the deceased: a bowl of queso in this case. In the center lay a black and white picture of a masked luchador. Danger Cat looks up at his partner.

“Hola, Dorado! I have finished! What do you think?”


Golden Cat, straining from the effort of holding Angus, nods approvingly.

“Very lovely! A fitting tribute for your abuelo. I am sure he would be very proud.”


Golden Cat sets down Angus, who slumps onto his side and grunts indignantly.

“mrowr”


Golden and Danger Cat ignore Angus.

“Thank you Dorado. Even though he was a monk, my grandfather did loved la Dia De Los Muertos. It was his story that helped turn me from a cat born in a man’s body into the mighty luchador I am today. I owe so much to him.”


Danger Cat gets up and walks towards his grandfather’s picture, a large smile on his face.

“His monastery was running low on funds, so to earn money for the orphanage, he donned the mask and wrestled. That’s actually how he and my grandmother met!”


A tear runs down his mask. Golden is very pleased by the shocking sincerity of his furry friend.

“I never met my grandfather, but the cheers of the people still echoes in my dreams.”

“Naaaacho. Naaaaacho.”


Golden Cat’s smile fades as he realizes what his friend is saying, but he quickly puts the smile back on, very obviously more forced than before.

“I am, ah… Sure he was a good man.”

“mro--”


Golden Cat shoves Angus with his food, barely budging the hefty feline, but silencing him all the same.
A doorbell rings, and Golden Cat perks up, clapping his hands together.

“The pizza! I’ll grab it, and we can have a toast to your grandfather.”

Golden Cat heads back up the hallway, leaving Danger Cat alone with Angus. Angus stares up at Danger Cat, all smug like. Golden Cat returns a few moments later, carrying a large stack of pizza boxes and four liters of Mountain Dew. He sets the pizzas and the sodas down, before opening the first box and recoiling in disgust.

“Eugh! Broccoli!”


He opens the second box, having a similar reaction. He then checks the rest of the boxes, becoming increasingly exasperated.

“Dorado, is something wrong?

“The pizzas, Peligrosso! They’re all broccoli!”


Danger Cat jumps back, shocked at the mention of the forbidden topping.

“Broccoli?! All of them?! What is this heresy?!”

Danger Cat looks at the pizzas, mouth completely agape.

“What kind of monster…”


“mrowr”


Golden Cat looks down at Amgus, who continues to stare up at them with the usual smugness of a cat.

“What do you mean Peligrosso needs to lose weight?! Who are you to say anyone is too fucking hot?”


“mrowr”


Danger Cat begins to sob.

“No! This pizza is all wrong! My grandfather will be so disgusted that he will abandon me now! And I am fucking hot!”


Danger Cat drops to his knees, completely defeated. Golden Cat stoops down to pat his friend on the shoulder.

“Do not worry, mi amigo. At the very least, we still have the Mountain Dew!”


Golden Cat pours out a glass, and hands it to Danger. He takes a large gulp of his favorite drink, but quickly spits it out.

“This is diet!”

Golden Cat scoldingly looks at Angus.

“Angus, you cruel beast! What have you to say for yourself?! You have ruined Dia de Los Muertos!”

Angus looks Golden Cat in the eye, before matter-of-factly saying,

“Mrowr”


“I need a tissue…”


Danger Cat reaches towards the nearby table and pulls off a small cloth, knocking some things onto the floor. He wipes away his tears.

“Dorado, do you think mi abuelo will abandon us because of the pizza?”


“No, Peligrosso. I believe your grandfather, wherever he may be, would still be proud of you. Let us work through our negative feelings by drinking copious amounts of tequila and selling Angus on Craigslist.”


“That’s right Danger Cat, no amount of Broccoli Pizza can ruin Dia de los Muertos!”


A window is opened, and a stranger is talking through it.

“Jack Bl-?”
“GRANDPA?!”

Danger Cat jumps up to his feet and approaches the window.

“Grandpa?! You’re here! The dead truly do walk among us!”

“That’s right, kiddo! And I’m here to tell you that Dia de Los Muertos is about more than pizza and diet soda!”

Danger Cat’s grandfather, who for legal reasons may or may not be Jack Black, climbs through the window and presents to his grandson a brand new, full-color picture of the luchador on the ofrenda.

“It’s about family! And remembering those who came before you, and celebrating their lives, my friend! So take this, and remember me, and next season, you and your yellow friend win those CMV Tag Team championships!”

Danger Cat smiles, a small cloud of smoke appearing behind him.

“I will, abuelo! I will bring pride to the Libre family name, and Los Felinos Fatales will go down in history as the greatest tag team in the world! We will do it as a tribute to you! I cannot believe I would allow myself to get caught up in the toppings of our pizza that I forgot about the greatest topping of them all!”

Peligroso taps his waist.

“Championship gold!”

Not-Jack Black nods approvingly.

“Make me proud, kiddo.”


He looks to Golden Cat, who looks about as dumbfounded as a human could possibly be.

“‘Sup?”

“Uh…”

Not-Jack Black turns back to his grandson, nods, and turns around, climbing back through the window and disappearing into the night. A long silence follows before Golden Cat speaks.

“What just happened?”


“Day of the Dead happened. You wouldn’t understand.”


The smoke continues to rise.

“Uh… Peligrosso? Is something burning?”

As if on cue, the ofrenda bursts into flames, sending both members of Los Felinos Fatales into hysterics. Danger Cat grabs Angus and pulls him aside while Golden Cat aggressively begins to dump Mountain Dew on the flames before grabbing Angus’s sheet costume and smothering the flames, completely destroying the sheet. As the fire dies down, both men look over the ruined ofrenda. Golden Cat is the first to speak.

“Well… I suppose it could be worse.”

Danger Cat nods, looking down at the new picture of his grandfather.

“Indeed. But, now we can start anew, and go into the next season of CMV- and our lives- with fresh eyes, and strong hearts!”


Danger Cat sets the new picture down on the remains of the ofrenda, before nodding happily. The camera zooms in on the picture, before fading to black.


This episode of Los Felinos Fatales was brought to you by YouTube.

All advertiser revenue was demonetized.

_________________
Jason Spade
#NotDeadYet


Golden Cat
The Fatal Feline
Jason Spade
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