My Wrestlemania thoughts

by Alveuss Mon Apr 04, 2016 9:05 am

Now that I'm actually awake and have thought about everything that happened here's what I thought of the show. Spoilers.

I didn't watch the pre-show but to be honest, with matches like Kalisto/Ryback and Usos/Dudleys, I don't intend to. I am happy Kalisto retained though if only for the title to stop bouncing around so much for now. Plus I quite like Kalisto and hate Ryback.

I was also asleep for the first few matches on the main card too but I'll still give my thoughts.

Total Divas vs Not Total Divas... On a night where a new Women's title was unveiled (I'll get to that) and the word "diva" is no longer how to describe the women I'm confused as to why Total Divas is still a thing nevermind them having a fucking match at mania but WWE logic I guess.

Styles vs Jericho. I was a little disappointed to have missed this match and fully intended to go back and watch it but then from hearing about how much of a flop it apparently was, I'm just going to not bother.

7-Man Ladder Match. I am not a fan of Ryder, I'll just make that clear first. I think he's stupid and his character is goofy and he isn't even a particularly great wrestler but with all that said, people like him. And it looks like Owens and Zayn are going to go on and feud which without a title being involved means they're going to have to build something with them and there's real potential there so I'm not upset that neither of them won. And truth be told I'd much rather Ryder hold the title than any of the others in that match that aren't Owens or Zayn so this wasn't the worst thing in the world. My biggest complaint with this is that Zack Ryder has appeared on like 5 Raws since last Wrestlemania and is now the champion.

The New Day vs League of Nations. I woke up halfway through this match but went back and watched the New Days entrance which was glorious. I don't have too many complaints about this other than I wish the New Day got a Wrestlemania win but it's alright that they didn't. Plus what happened afterwards was cool so fuck it, I'm fine with this. I don't expect Enzo and Cass to come up to the main roster right now anyway so looks like this feud will go on for another month.

The battle royal was bad. Like really bad. And it just showed how many people are fucking out injured with them scrapping the bottom of the barrel for guys like Shaquil O'Neill and fucking Tatunka. It was bad, but hey, Corbin won so that's something good at least right?

Triple threat match for the WOMEN'S title. First off Iove that theres a new title away from the butterfly shit and that they're being called women instead of divas. I especially love that when Charlotte won she was actually announced as the new women's champion instead of still the divas champion. This match overall was probably the match of the night for me. It had nothing in they're matches down on NXT but it was still a really solid match and I don't care that Sacha didn't win, her time will come. Also Charlotte's boobs were constantly on the brink of popping out and she had a nip slip which is always a good thing in my books. ALL OF THAT SAID, the new title is one of the most disgusting looking things I've ever seen. They took the WWE title and made it look worse with the red background and then added a fucking white strap. It's disgusting and I honest to god prefer the butterfly shit to what it is now. It's bad.

Ambrose vs Lesnar. Oh boy here we go, the first of three main events. This match had a fucking story. Ambrose, no matter how much of a bearing he took, would keep coming back for more. That was the build. On top of that, a bunch of legends gave him their weapons essentially passing the torch to him. The build was fine, it was nice. When the fucking match started though that all went to shit. He barely used any of the weapons given to him and he djdbr keep coming back for more. I think he was done after 1 F5, I don't know. What I do know is it was all a fucking waste of time.

Shane vs Undertaker. I didn't go into this expecting a good match. This was about the story and it was obvious from the start. The match itself was horrible minus a few spots and then it ended. Nothing happened in terms of story whatsoever. Yet another massive waste of fucking time and a waste of the Undertaker at mania.

The Rock's segment. This. This was fucking cruel. So there's half naked cheerleaders, yay. Oh there's the Rock, yay. He has a flamethrower, yay. His name is now on fire, yay. I mean it's not like you have a match but fuck it lets cheer for America! Attendance record, yay. Texas, yay. That's it. "This is where it gets good" - Dwayne Johnson, 2016. Bray! Holy shit it is getting good... Bray comes out to a great entrance, I'll get to that, and cuts a great promo on the Rock. The Rock does his Rock thing and talks back. Bray says some more orgasmic things and now at this point I'm hoping for a Rock vs Bray feud. But nope that was ripped away quickly when the Rock ripper off his trousers and challenges them to a 1on1 match WHICH FUCKING ROWAN ACCEPTED. ROWAN. ERIK ROWAN. Then ya know. The match is over in like 5 seconds and the Rock breaks the record for fastest Wrestlemania match. Then there's a brawl. Then Cena comes back and the Wyatts get their arses beat...

1. That was the Rock's contribution to this Wrestlemania which he had been advertised for months. That was it.

2. That was Brays contribution. A great promo then burried. And I dont like using that word easily but that's what this was, a burial.

3. For those that didn't see it, go watch that entrance. Look at the lights. There are literally about 100 thousand lights to Brays entrance. This man is fucking magic on the microphone. He's not the worst in ring worker and is fucking stiff too. He's over with the fans. For him to be treated like this is a fucking joke and this above everything else this Wrestlemania is what pisses me off the most.

Triple H vs Roman Reigns. A shitty main event to a shitty show. I don't hate Reigns, I see the potential there. But this isn't what the people want and it's been this way for over a year and they're still not listening. Also take a minute to think that Triple H main evented the 2016 Wrestlemania, it's sad. Literally the ONLY reason I was invested in this match was because I had a bet with Batman that Reigns would attempts 4 Superman punches and even that was disappointing because he did 2 right at the end of the fucking match in a row to make it 5 so we both lost the bet. The best thing about this entire match was Stephanie being speared through the boob.

And that's the show. Nothing big happened that really changed anything other than a new vomit inducing women's title. Nothing unexpected that actually matters happened. It was shit and honestly, if you haven't seen it but we're going to, just go watch NXT Dallas twice with the time instead. You'll even have time to make yourself tea and wrestlemania would have still lasted longer.