Lucy Collins' CMV Ascendance XII Overview

FYI: The opinions expressed here are in character and not all of them reflect the opinions of L[REDACTED], also known as Ted, also known as The. Some do though. But this is all in good fun don’t take it seriously okay.

It’s everybody’s most favourite time of year, isn’t it wonderful? Ascendance XII is on the horizon, and I, the wonderful Lucy Collins, AM on location! I even got to interview some of my faves! And some of my least faves!

Being here at this time is just amazing, y’know? All the different companies putting on events that I totally watch because I’m not a casual who only watches the PPVs that Chris Diamond is on, I watch every wrestling show I can get my hands on! And I’ve done plenty of that here in… Poland.

Yeah I still am surprised that it wasn’t just a joke. Nothing against Poland but seriously? What do they even have here to attract Ascendance? Like, any other country in the world had a better argument. The second half of their endonym is a shitty music genre. Luckily I have a lot of time to spend in my hotel hiding from this awful winter so that I can get here and write on the blog again. It’s been a while! So it’s time to do our long standing tradition where I yap about every match on the card and end up correct! There’s three nights though help me

Night One

The Slick B Memorial Battle Royal

I enjoy battle royals and the last few ones have been solid openers so there’s nothing to complain about. CMV’s roster this year is a little more stacked than previous years, and the three nights aren’t enough for people like Alvares, Yamashita, Andre Rodgers, Cool Hearts and others to get on the card. They’re all irrelevant though, because RAFAEL HERNANDEZ is going over and finally winning that damn Intercontinental Championship. If it doesn’t happen now I might actually quit this site.

Ashley Riot vs. Ashley Rayne - Death Match

Personally I am not excited at all to watch Ashley Rayne in a Death Match. She was totally not the one who made me start watching CMV with her horrible looks and bad stage presence and bad wrestling and awful twitter profile that I do NOT follow with 5 different accounts. When she turned her back on her ways and became “Nice” she lost all the appeal she ever had. I hope she LOSES so she knows who her true fans are, and comes back crawling to my their arms.

The Undisputed Elite vs. The Uncut Gems, Arisa Masami & Hakiko

Now, could this be a fatal 4-way for the tag titles if you rearranged the teams and added some Justice Family type duo in place of two UE girls? Yes. Would that mean the Gems’ reign could be short? Yes. Therefore, I’m glad this is a 4v4. The Undisputed Elite have been riding a lot of momentum for the past few months, with Sue Plex being in the Queen of the Hill match, their tag title win and Ashley McKay’s debut getting them a few more wins on Octane and the Underground. However they recently lost the titles to the best tag team in the women’s division so fuck them let’s go Gems! I don’t know why Sapphire isn’t here? The rumours say she’s injured but I know no Gems can ever be hurt for too long they’re immune and invincible and everything! Arisa Masami will pin Torrie Doyle.

Alerick vs. Hunter Quinn - Hardcore

Big Mean Hunty Quinn, weeks off of commiting kidnapping, decided to be a nice guy again when he stopped evil despicable Alerick from… educating the CMV fans? Come on he’s our saviour!. Quinn then beat “guaranteed world champion sometime this season” Ben Stacy on Octane to make this a Hardcore match, which makes a pretty appealing Ascendance match even cooler, who doesn’t like this kinda stuff? Even though it is the third No-DQ match on this night. Anyways. I think Alerick is winning here for the biggest swerve of all time. Imagine the crowd pop when it’s revealed he’s actually a mudshow god after he pulls out a canadian destroyer through two barbed wire doors off a ladder.

Killian Khan vs. Chris Andrews - Last Man Standing

A Mortal Kombat villain faces an old alcoholic British dude in a Last Man Standing match after they’ve been beating each other up for the last 4 months. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Where did Shay Hoxton go? Wasn’t he with Killian? To that, I say: It’s a RUSE, PEOPLE! He’s been MIA so you all forget about him before he low blows Brit, Khan puts him through a table to win, and then Hoxton/Andrews have a “No Really I Promise This Time I’ll Retire” match. Harvey Hastings needs one of those too.

Dashing DJ Urie & Ahmed vs. Post Malone & Bad Bunny

The most anticipated match on this card for me. They’re putting the young god Ahmed THE EGYPTIAN DOMINATOR in a big time spot with THREE celebrities!! He beat Lipnick on Shockwave!! He’s getting the push of a lifetime! I personally don’t care for Post Malone’s music nowadays, he’s doing that mumble country shit that is just sad to see in a genre built off the backs of Cash, Willie, Parton and Corey Feldman. Bad Bunny is cool though. He’s taking the pin from THE ONE THE ONLY Ahmeddddddddd! When’s Dashing facing Post 1v1 tho

AKUNIN vs. Aaron Stone (c) - Global Championship

I don’t know what the fuck is going on with both the men’s world titles lately, we have a new champion every week and it’s weird. Aaron Stone is a great wrestler, yet not a great wrestler that I thought would ever be a 2x Global Champion who managed to get 2 defenses in his first reign. Andrew Briggs won King of the Hill for some godforsaken reason, but apparently that wasn’t enough to make the writers room laugh at us, as he gave up his spot to an Underground wrestler. And you know what? For the swerve bro? Stone is losing here. Fuck it.

Amber Reed vs. RVW - If RVW Loses, She Retires

RVW losing to Amber Reed in 5 minutes in April was so embarrassing it made her want to retire. I’d want the same thing if I lost to someone as washed as 2024 Amber Reed. Then they had this weird thing where Lótus somehow managed to bring RVW’s spirit back for one match, as if that rando even matters, before RVW felt big sad again and wanted to retire, and Reed said no! So here we are. In Poland! Did CMV really know ahead of time that RVW was about to call it quits so they booked this city? It’s a shame. I hope both these women retire. NO WAIT IT’S A JOKE TWITTER AMBER STANS

Reed is probably going over though.

Night Two

”The First Annual” Eight Woman Gauntlet Eliminator

Since the women’s champion right now isn’t Kate Stronghart, CMV is attempting to always have a defense lined up for whoever holds the title! With this we have gotten a great innovation, a Gauntlet match featuring eight women, but only six of which are announced… Who could those two be? Isabella Almas? Ari Lee? Lexi Monize? Kio? Saphira Gibbs? Dara? Seika from ASGW? GIANNA DI NATALE? MAYBE SOMEONE FROM BAE????? It could be ANYONE!

Hopefully I don’t let myself get too excited thinking Malandra Munoz will be here. The people we DO know will be in this match are Quinn-Belle, Caelestia’s second lapdog; Gionna, who should be defending her title instead; Jasmine Crossings, who is in the Unholy Alliance for some reason; Samantha Moset, who I thought Pat LaFave forgot he was paying the contract of; Cery Quinnce, who is cool; and Hana Bennett, who has had like one match. So, in case Kiki Kastro doesn’t win, my pick is probably Gionna. They love this girl so much they’re gonna give her Newcomer of the Year despite her not being a newcomer.

Chris Diamond vs. Leon Valente

Aurelius has finally cut off the dead weight of that rando Leon Valente, and the prime duo of the Golden General and the Golden Boy SHOULD be out here winning tag and world titles in the same match! Instead, Rodgers is relegated to the battle royal while Diamond is stuck fighting this nobody. Don’t worry I’ve already lodged a complaint. Diamond is winning in 2 minutes.

The Gallery vs. Josh Wolf, Leon Garra and Ace Reeves - Anarchy in the Arena

Josh Wolf got murdered by Justin Sane which made him end up in a feud with The Gallery. Maybe Sane can do that again when we get to the Royal Rumble. The group of goofy masked guy who likes to spin but became EVIL masked guy who doesn’t feel any type of way towards spinning; British guy who loves technical wrestling; and a man who hates mondays makes as much sense as Ascendance being in Poland this year. (Seriously that really bugs me why did I have to fly out here) The other team has two men united in their undying love for Peligro, who is busy being the goat, and Ace Reeves who I really wanted to beat Styles B. Godly before losing to Lipnick where eventually Troy Colt would challenge him at Ascendance and honestly I’m really glad my fantasy booking came true because Lipnick and Colt is a match I have been dying to see since like 2022 back when Colt was just a nobody who didn’t-

Sorry. The Gallery are winning.

Taryn Torres vs. Precious Pratt - with Amelia Jones as Special Guest Referee

A bitter feud surrounded AMITY for months as one truly despicable individual decided to infiltrate the group of friends for nothing more than petty reveng- Oh that’s a funny coincidence.

Amelia Jones, instead of worrying about winning the Cyborg Invitational, has worried about integrating obviously evil people into her friend group, which should make AMITY doubt her intentions but she’s apparently a 20 year old child so they don’t do that. Hey, if she gets fired then AMITY can be safe!

There’s no way Taryn wins here unless there’s a random swerve where Amelia turns on Pratt but I don’t want them to split up!! Hey remember when Taryn Torres beat Amber Reed that was sick

The All-Father vs. MORGAN

After beating Iskandir at Pick Your Poison, MORGAN resorted to blaming the one person who he deems as responsible for anything that goes wrong in his life: Adam Valentine! He retired the man and is still obsessed. MORGAN claims that the “All-Father”, this deity that Iskandir seems to follow, is secretly the GOAT of CMV, and Iskandir said Nah.




Buuuuuuut he did promise the All-Father will be at Ascendance, and MORGAN REALLY thinks it’ll be Adam Valentine. I don’t though! It could be ANYONE! Chris Proudfoot? BISON? Ethan Thunderbolt? 12 Gauge? Jee Sung-min? Travis King? The Death Dealer 2 Zack Cage? Big Business? Bret Hart? DOMENICO ZACCARDI? MAYBE JET SUZUKI?? Whoever it is WILL beat that jobber MORGAN though.

Joseph Santos vs. The Arsenal of Tailcoat Val

It’s hard to predict anything regarding Tailcoat Val because Our Lord and Savior is, by her nature, unpredictable. This is probably the best story going into Ascendance- Suraci sacrificed everything for Santos, but knowing all of that makes Santos feel like he didn’t earn the Global Championship or any of his other accolades, it made it seem as if he only got those things because of what Suraci did.

I’ve said it before just how much I loved that Rivers/Santos team but I knew it wasn’t going to last. At least we got some great Instagram lives from it. I have no clue how this match will go, though. It’s billed as “Santos’ Last Stand”, especially if he ends up losing 5 times in one night. Val wants to break Santos, and then hopefully he will be of some use to her. That’s what she hopes the losses will do.

For the sake of the story, I don’t think we’ll fully lose the Arsenal. I struggle to imagine what CMV would look like without Tailcoat Val having her stooges? servants? followers? behind her. I think some will lose. At the end, Santos will get pinned a few times, maybe by Val herself at the end. Will it break him? I think that would be interesting to watch, but who knows? We could also see Isabella Almas return in this match?????? Please?

Bob Luger & JB Hayes vs. Desolation vs. Jeremy Bamore & Bloody Justice vs. BeeMan! & JT Moss (c) - Octane Tag Team Championship

Who doesn’t love eight person matches? Especially with 4 teams! It’s really sad how AMITY are probably losing… Them winning at Octane a few weeks ago made Desolation’s reign worth it! But, you know, the odds… They’re not retaining here, no one ever does in these 4-ways. I complain about randomness maybe too much but I do like this Luger/Hayes duo. The Work Ethic Titan being a mentor makes a lot of sense, and JB was a highlight last season until he lost to the best wrestler in CMV #LetEmKnow. I hope they win.

Troy Colt vs. John Lipnick (c) - Undisputed Championship

If you haven’t gathered yet, I’m terribly excited for this match and I have been ever since Troy Colt became the star he is. The Undisputed title for all of 2024 has been an absolute mess, from Styles B. Godly’s domination that was so good he fell off the face of the earth as soon as he dropped the title, to Anthony Martin winning two titles for some reason, to HAYDEN! Yeah that was this year I’m shocked too.

Lipnick attacked Colt, well, it wasn’t officially Lipnick but come on he had like “redeem” written on his chest or something, before their triple threat with Anthony Martin which didn’t happen at Homecoming because Colt attacked both of them as payback! Buuuuut when it DID happen a full month later, Lipnick won the title back! And then Colt challenged him! And here we are! What a beautiful story.

John Lipnick is currently 3*-0 at Ascendance, with a win against Jay Young, a spiritual win when Ace Reeves beat Robert Cross, and then a win against Joseph Santos last year. I’m calling it now, the streak will be BROKEN when my glorious king Troy Colt becomes Undisputed Champion for the first time, his first world title since that little Global title run two years ago that ended up in a ruined Ascendance feud.

Night Three

Chloe Marx vs. “Ellie Quinn” - Either two people leave or one person joins The Killjoy Club

One of the longest storylines going into Ascendance is the battle between these two. Ellie Quinn started the season by bringing The Killjoy Club into CMV, expecting a bunch of wins in a company that apparently has held her back! (Her massive list of accomplishments, key matches and the fact that she had 3 chances at qualifying for Queen of the Hill kind of disprove her point, but who am I to say anything) What actually happened was a bunch of losses. And because of this she started hitting Stevie Gabriel and Taylor Wagner!

The reality is that this abusive training style was baked into her by her own mentor Zack Cage, who did the same thing to Ellie! So now Ellie Quinn brainwashed, no, kidnapped, no, recruited his daughter since the fucker was also an absent father, and the two really want to kill Zack Cage. They have said those exact words. Multiple times. Openly on live television. Chloe Marx is in the middle of this I promise. She wanted to “help” Stevie and Taylor to get away from how Ellie was treating her I guess.

The big X factor in this matchup is that Ellie Quinn was apparently being given Normal Pills by Zack Cage this whole time… She has a SAVAGE personality called “The Deathdealer” (ooh) somewhere inside her, we’ve seen glimpses of it but she has promised that Chloe Marx will feel “The Deathdealer” (ooh)’s wrath at Ascendance. It could be a fakeout! An expert troll job from Quinn. If “The Deathdealer” (ooh) is what it takes for her to finally win a match I’m down. She has to win here. Idk how Chloe will function in The Killjoy Club but I’m interested.

Northern Lights vs. Top Guns (c) - World Tag Team Championship

The tag team division in CMV (especially in Shockwave) this season has been really good and varied, and these two teams (along with Old School!) are my favourites so I’m glad they get this big spot on the card. This is a rematch- Top Guns won the titles from the Northern Lights and from what I think? Their reign isn’t ending anytime soon. Justice Stone was always my favourite.

Peligro vs. Justin Sane - First Blood

Old man Justin Sane came back to CMV and instantly was put to sleep by another old man. He seemed set to face a slightly younger man in Josh Wolf at Ascendance but then he decided to murder him beforehand so that’s not the match we got here, we got PELIGRO! The goat in CMV usually, but this season has been a bit of a dud for the cat. I’m hoping he gets the win here and goes on to bigger things.

The Ted vs. Tracy James - Loser Leaves CMV

Snoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore

Let’s be honest here does anyone care about The Team in big 2024? They didn’t even get a tag match reunion, that's how irrelevant they are! And then CMV management decided to mess with the Global title lineage even more by giving Tracy the most random 1 week reign of all time for literally no reason! What did that help in this story? He’s WASHED, guys! I also hope both lose here, maybe it’s a double countout or something. Knowing the bookers though, whoever loses will come back a month later and win their job back in a rematch. Firings and retirements in this company are the two biggest shams ever, nobody stays away for longer than 4 months. Ted is winning this, as it’s their FIRST match.

Marty Michales vs. Anthony Martin (c) - Intercontinental Championship

Anthony Martin’s reign of terror has been truly unmatched. Pun intended. 6 months as champion, two of them as interim, with only one defense that he won by pinfall, with the last one being two months ago. AND we also had him be the most unnecessary double champion ever. Which is saying something because there’s an unnecessary double champion every month in this company.

Marty Michales spawned at Homecoming, and just like every person with nothing to do in Shockwave, he was attached to the Higher Authority for some reason. Fresh reminder that they control ALL of CMV and not just the blue brand. Anyways, will the Hot Mess and man of 1000 nicknames end Anthony Martin’s historic time with the strap? Probably not. Meet me in his next defense at Regicide in February.

I think my animosity towards this match is because Rafael Hernandez isn’t here

Caelestia vs. Beatriz Lótus - Women’s World Championship

The build for this match gets more batshit every time there’s another show so here’s a summary.

Young woman has no friends. She wins a lot. She wins the title. Caelestia shows up and wins more, even beats the girl, before becoming Queen of the Hill. Champion still has no friends, she retains the title and wins against someone else. Maybe now they are friends? Caelestia makes a friend. They beat the shit out of the champion. Champion finds another champion to be friends with. They’re cool until she costs the other one her title to Caelestia’s friend. Now the former champion sides with the two others. Young woman has no friends again. She loses to the other three all the time. She finds three friends for a 4v4 though.

I like the way that all of Lótus’ actions, both in Otranto and in this new singles run, have been catching up to her. There is no one on the roster that likes her, maybe RVW/Rayne/Bennett respect her a little, but they’re definitely not friends. And she’s a babyface now too! I hate when face/heel turns just ignore what people have done in the past so this is a great subversion.

That being said, I would be surprised if she retained here. Her title reign’s been solid, however Caelestia is on a roll right now. This match will probably be really good, have some sheananigans where Caelestia ends up winning. Idk if they’ll do a rematch at some point, maybe it won’t be good enough to warrant one, but I think this is the one title change on Day 3.

Xander Slate vs. Jason Spade - Three Stages of Hell

Xander Slate got burnt to a crisp on live television, somehow survived it, had the match of the year against Lipnick and wanted the guy who did that to him to be freed from prison so he could kill him himself. How metal is that? He’s winning.



I know what you’re thinking. God Lucy you’re SO negative. Is it payback for getting thrown out of the building during the kickoff show? And to that I say:

I don’t want to talk about it.

Seriously, I’m critical of the things I love! I want them to be AMAZING! And if CMV doesn’t book in exactly the way I want, then obviously it’s doing bad. Well, not bad. But it’s not amazing if I don’t like it okay?

I’ll be in the arena (nosebleeds I didn’t want to spend much money for a show in Poland) and also live tweeting at @LucyLovesKwameBullet so if you love me as much as I know you do, make sure to follow me there. Have a great show and all that. Rafael in 5