I'm shoot leaving

Matthew Schmidt, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks with your Kliq Powers, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

I don’t hate you, Matthew. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people on this site.

I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s sucking Dennis' ass.

You’re as good at sucking Dennis' ass as Crim was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Tim though. He’s a pretty good ass sucker. Always was and still is.

Whoops! I’m breaking the fourth wall!

*waves to camera*

I am the best e-fedder in the world.

I’ve been the best since day one when I logged into this website. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Krzy saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, I’m a Krzy guy. You know who else was a Krzy guy? KinZil. And he split just like I’m splitting. But the biggest difference between me and KinZil is I’m going to leave with admin rights.

I’ve grabbed so many of Miz T. Acular’s ass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that they're just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost two years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best in Off-Topic, in the Promo Section, even in Suggestions! Nobody can touch me!

And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not on your lovely little banner. I’m not on the featured Superstars. I’m barely promoted. I don't get to be on Podcasts. I’m certainly not on any crappy show on Twitch. I’m not on the poster of Fusion. I’m not on the signature that’s produced at the start of the show. I’m not a mod on Twitch. I’m not on Krzy's Facebook friends. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.

This isn’t sour grapes. But the fact that Tim is in the main event at *insert any PPV* next year and I’m not makes me sick!

Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are sipping on those Milkamania cups right now. You’re the ones that buy those bits for a Twitch chat I'm not a moderator of. And then at five in the morning at the airport, you try to get me to make you logos because you're too lazy to do it yourself.

I’m leaving with the administrator rights. And hell, who knows, maybe I’ll go sell them to DirtyBurger. Maybe…I’ll give them to iBunka.

*waves to camera*

Hey, Captain Fedora, how you doing?

The reason I’m leaving is you people. Because after I’m gone, you’re still going to pour money into this website. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Dashing DJ Urie is going to make money despite himself. He’s a peasant who should be a lower-class citizen. You know why he’s not a lower-class citizen? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, nonsensical, douchebag yes men, like Tim LaFave, who’s going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I’d like to think that maybe this site will be better after Dennis Urie is dead. But the fact is, it’s going to be taken over by his idiotic boyfriend and his doofus mistress (Matthew) and the rest of his stupid orgy.

Let me tell you a personal story about Dennis Urie alright. We do this whole [anti] sending dick pics campaign ...

*topic deleted*

10/10 will never delete