I know who your Daddy is....

by RiftedEnergy Sun Jun 13, 2021 1:57 am

The cameras pan around the audience, very Jerry Springer style. They're going wild as Quantum makes his appearance to the music. He's got some cards in his hand that me makes very sure for everyone to notice, before taking seat center stage. There is a chair to his left, waiting for for guest.

"Ladies and gentlemen tonight I welcome you to StoryTime w Papa Quantum. Oh man,, yall are killing it!! Give it up!! Damn, Dave Skylark must be pretty damn jealous

But tonight, we find out if Ryuk is qualified to challenge for the European Championship or not. If you were paying attention, you saw me swap a little DNA sample off the guy the last time we met. I had that analyzed... and I have the results in the envelope.

I have heard nothing but criticism since my Championship reign about my legitimacy to the title. Do you want to see my birth certificate, you racists?! Get out of here...

But then they throw in this match with some guys... just some guys... why some guys? And not like, anyone from the division in particular? Ohhhhh thats right.... what division? I've left it in shambles... what better way to find a competitor than to throw a bunch of crabs in the bucket eh?

You know what happens then? One crab stands on the rest to get out of the bucket. Ryuk, you need to get back in that bucket.

I have offered Ryuk an opportunity to back out of this challenge, on the account of him not being qualified, even though he ... uh.... qualified.... but that doesn't matter

Well, no response. Pretty shifty, if you ask me. Sounds like he's got something to hide.

Maybe Ryuk doesn't know that I know who his real Daddy is...

And since he doesn't want to to answer, and he doesn't want to show here, while I have the results in my hand.....

Well, I guess I'll announce it live... right after this commercial break"

by RiftedEnergy Sun Jun 13, 2021 2:16 am

Back to crazy camera angles and batshit fans... they want answers!

Quantum isn't one to waste you're time. Except for the commercial break. That had to happen cuz the network needs cash n all that. If it weren't for that? He wouldn't have even bothered this sentence. But a loop is a loop.

"Alright... we are back... ladies and gentlemen
.. the moment of truth.
..

I will now open the envelope and show the world who Ryuk's father is....

Can I get a drum roll anyone?"

by RiftedEnergy Sun Jun 13, 2021 2:20 am

Drum roll........

anyone?

by RiftedEnergy Sun Jun 13, 2021 2:30 am

Alright no drumroll, fine.

Ryuk is not qualified to fight for the CMV European Championhip... because his ancestory.com shit say that here is a picture of his relative, according to the blood swabbed off the towel, after like, I dunno how many other people bled in that ring, including me....but uh

But anyway"

..."

Opens the envelope.

"Dude GTFO"

by RiftedEnergy Sun Jun 13, 2021 2:33 am

"Either way...

that means he's mexican and/or a cyborg... and so....

Not qualified"

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