Wrath of the king

(We find ourselves in the apartment, rented by the King and Company, where King Matt is sitting in a chair, a wooden chair decorated in a way to make it look like a throne.  He is staring at a picture of a title CMV fans don't recognize, with a look of anger and frustration)

King Matt

"It was supposed to be MINE."

(The words leave King Matt slowly, far slower than we've ever seen)

King Matt

"This was supposed to be a second legacy, a way to recapture the beauty I once held."

King Matt

"I still cannot believe I was demolished by the fish.  THE FISH!!!  I fear my turns at attempting to retrieve the title are...  over."

King Matt

"I wonder where I went wrong.  I was tearing the tournament peasants apart, including the fish.  I barely defeated Salim, but ANGER towards Cuntingham drove me to victory.  And then...  I then hit a brick wall."

King Matt

"I wonder if it was my overconfidence that cost me a new waist crown, my overwhelming belief in my abilities.  Perhaps it was magic assisting Nikola, giving him an edge to defeat me.  Perhaps it was the fact I had consumed five bottles of royal bourbon before the match.  NO.  NO, I KNOW WHAT IT WAS!!!"  SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!"

(At this moment, Sal Cubas walks in, making sure not to step on the broken bottles covering the floor)

Sal Cubas

"You called your majesty?"

King Matt

"WHY YES I DID SAL!!!  I DID INDEED!!!  SO TELL ME, WHY HAVE YOU REFUSED TO PERMIT BOTH YOURSELF AND LENNY TO ACCOMPANY ME IN THE LAST MONTH?!!"

Sal Cubas

"You must understand your majesty, Lenny got a severe concussion in our match against the Misfits.  As you know, I cannot allow our jester to stay injured, so I had to accompany Lenny to the hospital for assistance.  I then had to make sure he was treated well, thus my absence from all the shows from that point."

King Matt

"THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN YOUR APPEARANCE AT REALITYL, BUT YOUR ABSENCE AT THE DARK CARNIVAL?!!"

Sal Cubas

"Simple, Lenny had recovered, allowing me to enter the ring and defeat Logan.  As for Dark Carnival, you know Lenny hates carnivals."

King Matt

"HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!  AS ALWAYS, YOUR LOGIC IS IMPRESSIVE!!!"

(Sal breaths a sigh of relief)

King Matt

"HOWEVER, I SHALL STILL NEED TO PUNISH YOU!!!  YOU COST ME MY NEW WAIST CROWN!!!  TWICE!!!  NOW I DON'T EVEN HAVE A MATCH AT REGICIDE!!!  HOW CAN YOU CALL A SHOW REGICIDE BUT NOT HAVE THE KING?!!  AS A RESULT, ALLOW ME TO DETAIL THE PUNISHMENT YOU SHALL RECIEVE:  FIRST AND FOREMOST, YOU SHALL WEAR YOUR KNIGHTLY HELM IN THE RING, I SHALL APPLY SUPER GLUE TO ESURE IT STAYS ON!!!  SECOND: YOU SHALL BE FORCED TO COMPETE ALONE, NO LENNY AROUND, SO YOU MAY FEEL THE SAME STING OF LONELINESS I FELT AT DC AND PB!!!  BEFORE YOU ASK WHAT MATCHES, I SHALL TELL YOU!!!  THIRD: I SHALL MEET WITH GAME MASTER DAVE TURNER TO DISCUSS A SERIES OF MATCHES I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND...  QUITE INTERESTING!!!  SO YOU SEE, YOU SHALL REGRET THIS FAILURE!!!"

(After he finishes, King Matt jumps out of the nearest window, and starts to run towards where he believes Dave Turner resides)

Sal Cubas

"Well, At least he isn't going to make me wear another dress."