This is gonna suck trying to explain. (DONT CLICK IF YOU'RE UNDER 18, NOT FOR YOU)

So, I want to apologise to Noah.

I know we were in the middle of a feud, between Montino and Ethan Zee, I believe.

I should have told you what was going on and I'm sorry I didn't clarify where I was during my absence.

Also, apologies to Dashing, and I hate apologising to you because I've done it so much now, but you deserve it, because I wasn't promoing with my CAW as I should of.

Now here's the primary reason why I haven't been here, and it's really sad and embarrassing to admit it, but I feel like I have to,

I think it was May 13th, I got super drunk and I was feeling real down, like my life was mostly useless.

At that moment, I got whatever pills I found, didn't remember what they were, all I know is that I tried to commit suicide.

Once I woke up the day after, I cried a lot and wished that my body wasn't so resilient. I was too ashamed to let anybody know, and went radio silent for a month or two.
'
While I still have depression, I feel regret over what I tried to did, and I'm glad I survived it, as I would've hated to know that my parents would have gone through more pain than I ever did.

I think I'm okay and ready to return to CMV. I just thought I'd update you on my current status.

Even if you didn't care, it's good to be transparent with the ones you care about.

We are glad you're okay dude.

I'm just glad to be back. I've missed you all so much.

KinZil we are here for you man just let us know and we will talk we are a family. Also glad those thoughts are now OBSOLETE!

BJ, you have no idea how much that hits me. Kinda welling up right now.

Thank you, I love all you guys so much.

And we love you as well mow you have been reborn it is WONDERFUL! Lol man but seriously we espacially me am glad to see your ok

Even though you and I almost never interacted, I just gained a ton of respect for you. I'm glad you're safe and welcome back!

Kinzil, I'm not gonna lie. I have had the thoughts that this world would be a better place without me, but never had it in me to end it. Let this be a lesson for you in the future, that no matter how you feeling, you have something or someone watching over you, cause don't take this the wrong way. You beat death. 

I know I'm never the best with people, and im not a saint, probably the most likely to burn in hell (if there was one). But what you just did, is the first step to recovery, to become a better person. To become something that most people can't even imagine. Letting us know your state, knowing you have a community here that you can talk to. That will help, should help you on your journey.

If it seem like I rambled, I'm sorry. That's how I get my thoughts out. I will give you this tho to think about. 

In the arms of death,
She held me tight.
Loving me like no one,
Has before. 

I thought it was done,
No more pain,
No more guilt,
No more nothing.

But Death whispered into my ears,
You are not done, Sweet child if mine.
You have a life to live,
You have loved one, that care.

You may have seeked a way out,
Into my cold lifeless arms,
But I can't keep you here,
For it's not your time.

You have a whole life,
A head of you.
Take this second chance,
And make it,
All that you can.

I know my poetry ain't the best but, please take it. If you ever want anyone to msg or talk to, pm me and I give you my number and we can communicate. Or Facebook. I'm here for you.

Don't be sorry for rambling, I welcome your poem 100%!

I will take any help I can get right now, so I respect your outreach so much, thank you for the kind words, I'll definitely keep them in mind when I'm feeling down!

Hope you're feeling better and if not you can always slap me everytime i misspell a word.

Why did I have to be above 18 to read this

Glad you’re ok bro. If you ever need to to talk or have the need to vent my dms are always open my man