The Taste of Freedom

Truth
Justice
Happiness

All these feelings and more can all be felt with one image: the American flag. We come in to see someone holding a miniature American flag, despite the staticy sepia video. A small hum is heard, most likely due to the poor quality.

The camera slowly zooms out, showing the instant classic in person: Vance Vintage. He holds his flag over his face, right under his wide eyes. Staring straight through the camera, we zoom out to see more and more of the tye dyed man. Behind him is a still image of space, the US flag mounted Moon visible to the side.

Vance is visibly shaking and breathing very heavily.

When you walked out of Ascendance with a loss on your name, and only fools gold to your name

did you enjoy the taste of the Almond Joy?

Did you enjoy the taste of the coconutty Honolulu candy bar?!

Huh?!

Vance turns around, staring straight down into his flag holding hands.

Did you enjoy the delicious chocolately case and the coconutty cover?

For the split second that you could?!

Vance slowly looks up towards the sky, taking a massive breath.

Arhhh before the nut of destiny ripped the flavor away?

Before the nut of destruction filled your mouth with the dry disappointment of tyranny?!

Vintage folds the flag in half, shakily wrapping it around his head.

Did you enjoy your commicandi candy randy candy bar?!

Mike Kersh! Answer me!

Vance slowly turns around, looking aggressively through the camera.

Did it bring you joy to deny your tastebuds the right to happiness?! Did it bring you joy to rip away their right to flavor?! Did it bring you joy, Mike Kersh?!

When you ate the Honolulu commicandi dandy candy bar? When you rejected the flavor of the explosion of freedom brought by America’s favorite candy bar to instead eat

The Almond Joy?

Mike Kersh!

You committed a cardinal sin when you chose your combatant of defeat, and ignored the true flavor of freedom last Sunday night.

When you ignored the single greatest candy bar in American history!

Vance pulls out his candy of choice.

When you ignored the Kit Kat bar!

With a shout, Vance tears open the candy wrapper.

Mike Kersh!

You have made an enemy this Sunday night. You have made an enemy with the Spirit of Liberty!

And an enemy of the Spirit of Liberty is an enemy of me.

And an enemy of me

Vance breaks off a piece of his Kit Kat bar.

will be broken by the arms of patriotism!

Vance takes a bite out of the Kit Kat, closing his eyes in pure bliss.

This taste. It is wonderful. This taste represents everything this great country holds dear. This taste is one you can enjoy, one you can share.

This taste is the taste that you rejected for your commiommi nuttydutty randydandy Honolulu Alomond Joy candy bar!

And Mike Kersh, this is the taste that you will taste when I make you learn what true freedom tastes like.

Vance finishes his Kit Kat piece.

God bless Americaaaaaa!