Rumbling Belly (To Belly)

by BatmanBatemanEC3 Thu Jun 23, 2022 10:27 pm

We cut backstage to a mean muggin' Perry Heenan staring daggers into the camera after the events of last week. Lisa Evans is standing by with the Openweight Champ.

Lisa Evans:
Perry last week the Aftershock that shocked the world. The abrupt and controversial loss of your World Tag Team Championships.

Perry Heenan:
You know there’s a new agenda on my plate. Chain Reaction’s manifesto has been made very clear. But Los DUMB AND DUMBER you’ve rekindled an old flame. Kill. All. Gimmicks. I didn’t tap, I didn’t verbally submit, I most certainly didn’t pass out, go back and watch the footage it’s so clear Xander Slate dosen’t even squint at it.

Why am I even explaining myself? I’m a 6’8 mountain of a man, Wrestling Encyclopaedia, they’re comedy relief dwarfs. Of course I didn’t and it’s besides the point anyways because Tatum broke the hold instantaneously. They’re not cats, they’re not dogs, they’re not cows, they’re not pigs that fly they’re actually human beings like me and you and everyone except them knows that but if we’re making comparisons they’re more akin to dirty cheating SKUNKS.

And I can already hear smart Mark in his stain riddled armchair “well Perry you did such and such at Absolution and you did this and you did that”. SHUT UP. Yes we did. But did a legitimate fall take place? Was Johnny Cloudcutter clearly and visibly pinned? Well there you go. Im not the hypocrite. YOU’RE the hypocrites.

You wouldn’t hear the end of it we did such a thing! You’d brand us bastards, HEIST would be the word of the week. But no their music will hit and you’ll all eat it up and go berserk. If they’d any integrity or morals that the CMV universe supposedly look for they’d have already vacated the titles, restored them to our possession and this match wouldn’t even need to be a thing. But they haven’t done that and instead they’re an unwanted thorn in our side in a long list of unwanted thorns in our side, only all the others, in spite of our dislike, have one respectable attribute about them and don’t think they’re animals!

Listen Lisa. Last week we put one of the most feared members of this roster in a body bag. There’s a million ways to dispose of the lockerooms biggest laughing stock running round and round in my head. I don’t know how many your lives you’ve surrendered on your little escapades. All I know is one Graduation Piledriver is probably 4.5 of them. And hey that’s where your mediocre skills between the ropes might finally play dividends. Because it’s not gonna take more than one.

You know what I’ve talked myself into welcoming the idea of this match. What a nice sparring exercise before Homecoming. Jackson Wright you generous man. Hey big fan of the Openweight champ from what I’ve heard.

Heenan taps his Openweight Championship mockingly.

Lisa Evans:
And Perry one last thing. Confirmation if you would that Ken Donahue is indeed your fourth member in that match you just referenced, the hardcore war at Homecoming.

Perry Heenan:
There’s an odd narrative out there that having The Godfather on our team is some sort of discrepancy. Lisa I ask that you think of all the abominations Tailcoat Val has unearthed and unleashed on CMV these past years. Nucleo was the pick of them. The cream of the crop and yet Ken Donahue pushed him, IT, to the limits.

He pulled out a dazzling Sunset Flip in that outing, in this I half expect that jacked stallion to bust out a one handed military press. I mean I’d pay money to see him and Cloudcutter civilly side by side and comparing arms. Besides. How’s it a discrepancy if he’s had a week to hunt and no fourth at all? We’re at the advantage Lisa. We always are.

Heenan walks away and we cut to commercial.

Dashing:
Welcome back my fine feathered friends. A spicy matchup I’ve been looking forward to since it was announced on social media this past- wait a minute. I’m getting word in my ear. Ladies and gents a backstage altercation is underway our crew is on the scene. We’re cutting back to some more Perry Heenan content I guess.

Jeremy Barmore:
That velvet robe means something. It’s where the line starts. Get back and wait your turn I won’t ask you again.

Perry Heenan:
You better lose that tone pronto Kid. What ever happened to respect in this business? I’ve been here since 2017 do you know how many years that is in CMV terms? A lifetime. People come and go from this place like it’s a connecting airport and privilege comes with the tenure. But I don’t see queue-cutting in your future kid. You won’t last here. You’re not cut from the right cloth. It’s gonna be a walk in the park for Dante tonight.

Jeremy Barmore:
Call me kid again and I’ll show you exactly what I’m made of.

Perry repeats it again only this time he spits at The Workhorse.

BARMORE-TO-BELLY THROUGH THE CATERING TABLE!

Barmore barely has time to unclasp the Openweight Championship from Heenan’s waist and hoist it in the air before Dante Tatum and Alvares appear into frame to lay a disadvantaged beatdown in vintage Chain Reaction fashion. BUT WAIT. CLOUDCUTTER, MATTHEWS, HUNTER QUINN. THEY’RE BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF CR AND FOR THE FIRST TIME DANTE TATUM IS OUTNUMBERED.

Before the arena canteen is completely turned upside down and unfit for use security arrives to cease the barrage. The enormity of what just happened cannot be lost or underestimated. Chain Reaction beaten to a PULP. All members on the floor clutching various body parts. Will this be the sight at Homecoming? And is Jeremy Barmore #TeamCloudcutter?!