August in February

Unless you've been living under a rock, and if you have actually been living under a rock, please notify me immediately and I will ship you some warm blankets, YOU WOULD KNOW, that I, August Happytown danced MY WAY to victory last night in the Royal Rumble match. And I don't need your approval. Because you people have all been downers. Since day one. I was told by you idiots that August Happytown was a sideshow act. That August Happytown was a clown. He couldn't possibly be a wrestler. Well apparently you haven't looked at the rest of your roster. Not to mention the entire roster over there on Fusion. Those people are the real clowns. And I take no offense to you people calling ME a clown because IT'S TRUE! I bring smiles to the faces of children everywhere. And maybe this negativity is the reason you were all sleeping last night when I pulled off the biggest upset in sports entertainment history. I told you from day one that you needed to close your eyes, and think one single happy thought. And last night it was clear to me that nobody in that ring had done what I had so nicely asked of them. And what did I tell you my happy thought was? The PAIN and SUFFERING of those who can't think of their happy thought. That gross Johnny Test wannabe "Nick Blake" felt that last night. That greasy male stripper turned indy wrestler "Zack Starr" felt that last night as well. And then there's the rest of you who laughed when I said I would be entering myself in the Royal Rumble match. How did that turn out for you? Worked out great for me because I'm the only one who's laughing. So let's try this one more GODDAMN time...and let's close our eyes. Think one happy thought. It could be a warm summer breeze on a nice August day, or it could be THE DEATH OF YOUR BITCH OF A MOTHER Whatever YOU find solace in.. because last night was your warning. And when I become World Champion and you didn't think of your F@#%ING HAPPY THOUGHT, you'll know who to blame..