Triple Threat

by **Shay UA** Wed Mar 03, 2021 11:32 pm

The camera comes in to a bright orange bean bag sitting in the CMV hallways. Next to the bean bag is a bag of cheetos and a bottle of whipped cream. Somehow, the bean bag reaches over to the whipped cream and sprays some onto itself, disappearing into some mysterious hole. Wait a moment, that’s not a bean bag… that’s Danger Cat! At 5’9 and well over 400 lbs, Danger Cat is perfectly rotund, and as any doctor would say Dangerously Obese. He keeps spraying more and more until eventually nothing comes out of the bottle. Danger Cat has already consumed the entire thing. Frustrated, he throws it against the wall, bouncing back and hitting him in the head. He lazily hisses at the bottle. Danger Cat pulls his tights out and pulls out another bottle of whipped cream, spraying some into his mouth. The can pans to the left to reveal two more empty whipped cream bottles.

Eventually, Danger Cat stops eating, his eyes going blank and his grips loosening. He drops the bottle and it rolls away. Danger Cat begins to blink and color returns. He blacked out for just a few seconds. He goes to eat more whipped cream, but his hand is empty. He sees the bottle just three feet away from him, and he reaches over for it. He reaches and stretches, but it’s out of range.

Get over here. Get over here, prey. I will eat you. Nnnney. Nnnnnnnnney. Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnney.

The bottle is a measly two inches from him. He could grab it if he stood up, but he just can’t.

Nnnnney. Nnnnnnnney.

Suddenly, Danger’s yellow eyes turn an odd shade of blue and we hear a snap. Danger Cat’s shoulder dislocates, extending his reach far enough to grab the bottle. We hear another pop as his shoulder shoves itself back into its socket. Danger Cat has the whipped cream. Eyes yellow once more he finishes consuming the bottle.

Danger Cat closes his eyes and takes a nap.

______________________________________________________________________________

The camera comes in to Mystery Mask III in space, sitting on a rotund orange bean bag. Space: a place of no gravity, a place of Zero G. The former Zero G Champion associated himself with Jason Spade against the Tyranny of Dashing DJ Urie and paid the price or it when Cam Harris defeated him and took his title.

“I have no regrets, I have no remorse. I fought for a lost soul, abandoned and alone, and I gave him my hand as a shield. I knew what the price would be, I knew about the risk, and I took it anyway.”

“Cam Harris, you took something from me, something very important. My Zero G Championship. I do not blame you, success must drive all, else we will stagnate, else we will rot. But my understanding does not mean my forgiveness. Success drives me too, and those desires will push me into taking my title back.”

Mystery Mask raises his left hand.

Mystery Mask raises his right hand.

“With this hand, I fought Dashing DJ Urie himself tonight. I stuck the man who caused so much harm to Jason Spade, and for what? For his love of a man that failed in the end?”

“With this hand, I held the Zero G Championship. With this hand, I took it from a ladder. With this hand, I defeated Tanaka in the greatest match of the two thousand and twentieth year. With this hand I will defeat you, Cam Harris.”

“However, I think my role in this fight is now done. Jason Spade has lost his Championship too and the family is starting to dissolve. Dashing DJ Urie is an interesting man, a man with two voices. One is of passion, of joy. The other of greed and deceit. I don’t know what ripped Dashing in half, but his original side will return to us one day. To defeat the other half, that can only be done by one man: the king who lost his crown.”

“My fight is not done. Fate has decided that you and I must fight, and fate is an all consuming black hole in which nobody escapes. Time and place, two concepts that I do not have power over but two that are inevitable. These forces drive our fate, our entwined fate together.”

Mystery Mask puts his hand down.

“This is not my role. Not my decision to make. I must sit, I must wait, I must watch. My role will be given to me and I will fulfill it without question. There are many questions that I wish to ask, yet no matter what I ask, there is only one response that I hear when I listen:”

“Spin Spin Spin”

“Win Win Win”

“They tell me this, but why? What could this unlock?”

M I suppose M

M I have yet M

3 to find my answers 3

______________________________________________________________________________

The camera comes in the gang: Party Hardcore! They’re cheering and celebrating Cinnamon’s awesome showdown in the Battle Royal.

That’s right, Cinnamon kicked ass!

Damn right, girl! You walked in there and gave a long performance with so much action. Sam the Man here and I, we were on the edge, throbbing in anticipation for your explosion out there! And babe, you did not disappoint, I could feel my heart pumping away like there was no tomorrow!

Scotti speaks up in near monotone.

Yeah Cinn, good job. You were great, like, even though you lost you like, got everyone talking and stuff.

Cinnamon walks over to a bean bag in the middle of the hallway and takes a seat.

Damn right! Cinnamon walked in there and she beat some ass! It got her thinking, maybe Cinnamon should grab some new jewels to go along with her. I saw this little lady, Akira, tryna party hardcore in that ring with Ashley Rayne, but that’s us, that’s our thing!

The gang start to murmur.

Hey yeah that’s our thing. We do that, don’t we? Like, yeah, totally.

Cinnamon looked in and she thought to herself, ‘Cinnamon, is that cool?’ and Cinnamon was like, ‘Yeah Cinnamon, that is pretty cool.’ but then Cinnamon was like, ‘No, actually, fuck that Akira, that’s what we do!’

The gang start to murmur.

Hey yeah, we party hardcore. Yeah man, that’s what we do. Like, yeah, that’s like totally what we do.

So Cinnamon decided that she has a goal now. She’s gonna walk up into that ring, she’s gonna find Akira, and she’s gonna beat her ass like bongos. She’s gonna take that little paint Akira has on herself, and Cinnamon’s gonna mix it in with her own trashy gimmick stealing blood. Cinnamon in gonna lay Akira down, open her mouth, and make her do the Cinnamon Challenge live on air.

Oh man, not the Cinnamon Challenge! Man, even I haven’t beaten the Cinnamon Challenge! Like, I don’t think that like anybody has.

Cinnamon’s gonna take her out, Cinnamon’s gonna take her title, and Cinnamon’s gonna make it her title!

Cinnamon shuffles around in her chair.

Hoo! And Cinnamon’s gonna take this chair too, she likes it.

Yeah but like, Cinnamon, isn’t Akira like super strong and stuff? Doesn’t she like, hit people with chairs?

Scotti, Cinnamon has been hit by a steel chair before. Cinnamon has gotten in so many fights on the streets, on the dance floor, in the bathroom, Cinnamon knows how to use a weapon and Cinnamon knows how to take a weapon. That trashy ass, face paint wearing, party stealing, Cinnamon Championship holding loser is gonna take me down that easily.

Scotti blankly looks at her best friend.

Hell yeah Cinnamon, that’s badass. You’re a badass bitch.

Cinnamon laughs.

And that’s why you love her, Scotti! That’s why Cinnamon loves you too, you badass bitch! Now boys, let’s take this chair!

Cinnamon jumps up and her and Scotti walk away. Sam Valentine quickly smacks Cinnamon on the butt as she leaves, and the gang all laugh. Sam and Mike put up the bean bag, letting out a loud grunt.

Jesus Christ, why the hell is this thing so heavy?!

It’s so limp and hard to move around…

Bro, did you just hear it snore?

Nah bro, that’s the beans! They’re sloshing around in there, begging to get released? But this sack won’t let them get out that easily!

Mike Hawk tries to slap the bag as a joke, but the second he takes his hand off the duo nearly drops the thing and he quickly grabs it again.

Bro… let’s… let’s just get to the car as fast as we can. We can put the bag in the trunk.