The Luger Lounge Returns (Special Guest: Dashing DJ Urie)

Whaaaaaat? It's the RETURN OF THE LUGER LOUNGE here on Shockwave as we see the Work Ethic Titan sitting in a very nice maroon, leather lounger with an opposite one to his left. In the middle is a glass table with a beautiful bonsai tree sitting atop. A neat little set up for a neat guy like Bob Luger. And now, it begins as the man who came up short in his elimination chamber match at Purgatory stands up, with no shame in defeat but eagerness to give the people a SHOW!

Bob Luger
Ladies and Gentlemen, get a good grip on your seats because your PAL BOB LUGER is taking you ALL FOR A RIDE AS THE CUTTING EDGE TALK SHOW, THE LUGER LOUNGE, HAS RETUUUUUUUURNED!!!!!!

He raises up the microphone to try and heighten the volume of the audience.

Bob Luger
Now I know what you're thinking "But Loog, what's different between this and a regular promo." Aha, let me explain. On this talk show, ANYTHING can happen because it introduces a factor that's not always guaranteed in a regular promo. CONFRONTATION. Ya'll love that huh? Me face to face with a guest, free to just CHAT about the HARD HITTING subjects in life?? And, I got so excited about being able to bring back this show, I went out and I got a really interesting guest. A guest who has had a LOT to say about me and my KLIQ brothers as of late. Especially, my new pal Post Malone. So, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the VOICE OF CMV, and kind of a tool, DASHING!!!!!!!!

And out he comes, to no music but the chorus of boos given off by the CMV Universe. He threatens to hit a kid on his way down the ramp before finally making it into the ring, showing off a disgusted scowl to the work ethic titan. Luger offers for him to take a seat as he walks over to the seat and inspects it, being weary of his future Ascendance opponent before finally, plopping his big ass on the cushion. Luger tosses him a mic, in which he doesn't catch, almost flipping his chair over in the process. Embarrassed, he quickly snatches it up off the mat.

Bob Luger
Man oh man have you had a lot to say. You have such INTENSE feelings towards Post Ma-

Dashing
Do NOT say his name in front of me!

Bob Luger
That bad huh?

Dashing
Bad? This guy has been a thorn in my side for a long time. He's my arch nemesis. My ENEMY, you would know nothing about enemies.

Luger raises his eyebrows at the camera like Jim Halpert from the office.

Dashing
He comes in here and steals MY THUNDER! To host Ascendance is my DREAM and this ASSHOLE just comes in and snatches it because he sings. His songs aren't even that good! I'd blast R Kelly before any of his music. He's a joke and I feel DISRESPECTED by him, YOU, this crowd, AND CMV for taking part in crushing my dream.

Luger crosses his leg over the other and folds his arms, almost like a therapist, Dashing notices he's suddenly wearing glasses like a therapist as well.

Dashing
Where the hell did you get those??

Bob Luger
Dollar General, but enough about me. It seems you have let your feelings consume you, so I wanted to try an exercise with you, don't worry it's not that kind of exercise. I am going show you some ink blots and you just tell me what you see.

Luger pulls a bag out from behind his chair and grabs a stack of sheets.

Dashing
This is dumb!

Bob Luger
Just give it a shot, I want to get to the root of these feelings.

With that, he shows the first picture.



Dashing, obviously annoyed finally decides to give in.

Dashing
I don't know, two beetles kissing.

Bob Luger
Very good.



Dashing
A butterfly!

Bob Luger
Awesome.



Dashing immediately stands up in a rage.

Dashing
You think this is funny???

Bob Luger
No, I your feelings are no joke. How does this image make you feel.

Dashing
You know Bob, you got real funny after Josh Wolf beat your ass at Ascendance. Went off, started being the nice guy because NOBODY cared about you when you were set up in the hospital for 5 months. Now, look at you. You're a clown, this is the GOOFY segment of the show. That's all you are now. Comedic Relief.

Bob Luger
I acknowledge your feelings and opinion Dashing. They are valued. You have value here on the Luger Lounge. But you know what you don't have right now?

Dashing
What's that??

Bob Luger
Desolation, now sit your ass down and check your attitude.

Dashing quickly realizes Luger is correct. Trying to buck up to a multi time world champion by himself? What was he thinking?

Bob Luger
I think the reason you have so much hatred towards my friend is because you're jealous. You've put in a lot of years here in CMV. The voice since day one. All you wanted was to host Ascendance, and you didn't get that. But, when we don't get what we want in life, no progress is made by crying about it. You accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. There will always be next year. But, that was never going to be enough for you so you cried your way into a match with Post Malone at Ascendance. The problem is, you thought it'd be clever to include KLIQ in this bout with your masked hooligans flanking you. You thought, "Hey what's better than hosting Ascendance? Oh I know, let me go there and get a win, that'll be great!" Yet, you should know better than anybody from your years of commentary that it's not that damn easy. What we do, isn't a joke. Slate and I have been training Post for weeks now, night and day. What have you done huh? You've just been running your mouth, crying, and stuffing your face with KFC.

Hoping Desolation will get you your Ascendance moment is something for a fool. You're a fool Dashing. A FOOL FOR THINKING YOU CAN STEP UP TO ONE OF THE GREATEST PERFORMERS IN THE WORLD! Post Malone has PASSION, something you will NEVER have! That passion alone is enough to get him to that big stage in better shape than you will EVER be in. So keep on sitting there, thinking you didn't need the patience to just wait till next year. You didn't get your way now you're out to get yourself killed. That ass beating that me and my comrades are gonna give you at Ascendance is ON YOU!

Dashing can't sit there and be insulted, even if it's by the Absolute Legend himself.

Dashing
You really think you and Xander Slate are enough to stop Desolation? Are you DUMB?? You guys got LUCKY when you beat The Company for those tag belts. Then what did you do? You CHOKED. Just like you did at Purgatory when you TAPPED OUT! Wanna know what Desolation did at Purgatory? They became the CMV Undisputed Tag Team Champions! They did what you and your DUMB one-eyed brother couldn't do, they beat Resurgence! They are the CHAMPS now!

Bob Luger
Yeah, for now.

Dashing
What?

Bob Luger
I mean, we are gunning to get our titles back, and we will.

Dashing
You couldn't beat Desolation in a million years. You and Xander are OLD DOGS! Desolation are the shotguns. You get it? You'd get put down.

Bob Luger
Alright, then I am going to challenge them for the Tag Team Titles on Octane!

Dashing
You're on!!

With that rapid fire responses, Dashing quickly places his hand over his mouth. Did he just accept on behalf of Desolation out of pure anger towards Luger's charismatic barrage? The crowd accepts that as being official as they immediately cheer for the upcoming match.

Dashing
Wait!

Bob Luger
No sir, it is official!!

Bob stands up and steps towards the ropes, looking into the hard camera.

Bob Luger
Desolation, you guys are tough! You're great! Amazing even! But, come Octane, you will see what true power is. You'll feel the full, spectacular power of KLIQ BABY!!!!!

Dashing stands up.

Dashing
Wait, what I-

Bob turns to him.

Bob Luger
Oh that's actually the only reason I brought you out here. We're done now.

He flashes a smile before kicking Dashing in the gut and delivering a SATISFYING LUGER LANDING! The crowd are on their feet as Bob stands up, slinging his jacket off and celebrating. Because now, as it stands, two of the toughest teams in the history of CMV will clash for the Undisputed Tag Team Championships, this week on Octane!!!! Something maybe Dashing shouldn't have been so quick to accept, and now as he lays on his back, hardly able to see the lights in the rafters, all that's going through his mind is what did he just do? How will Desolation react? What if KLIQ wins? How bad is Post Malone gonna rub it in if they do? Can he even stand up after such a brutal Luger Landing? Did he piss his pants?