Trickle Down Economics

Welcome to the latest episode of NGW. After the first two matches, the crowd have been whipped into a frenzy. Coming back from commercial, everybody is trying to get in shot as cameras zoom past them.

You lazy sons of bitches, eyes on me!

The shot begins cutting throughout the arena, looking for the source of the noise. One jump, then two, then three.

To the left, asshole!

We pan left, landing on an air shot of NGW’s Cleaner: Janet Torre. She’s standing in the crowd in one of the stairway gates. She’s wearing a long sleeved 405 Street Outlaws shirt, stainless blue jeans, and hiking boots. With a microphone in hand, she points straight up into the camera.

There you go. Now come on, lights, let’s go! Learn how to do your job!

The surrounding arena darkens slightly, and a spotlight appears on Janet.

Good boy, hurry it up next time!

The camera zooms in, and with the light and closer shot, we can now see bruises on Janet’s face, dark marks around her cheek and brow.

I got a lot of things in this world. A fun job, a really big TV, a charming personality… but there’s one thing I don’t have yet.

A cleaned up division.

Now I’m not one to be politional, but if there’s anything I learned from Ronald Reagon when I was a little girl, it was that you start at the top and trickle down to the bottom. So I gotta ask, who’s at our top?

The crowd start yelling back at Janet.

Janet nods back at the crowd.

Suddenly our problem makes a lot more sense. It looks to me like what we need to finally clean up the women’s division is for someone to fight Sony Octave, grease up their boot, turn her around, and kick her ass back onto the street where that piece of garbage belongs!

So then, I gotta ask? Who’s tried it so far? Hmm…

Kelsey Hayes… AKIRA… Piper Foxx… AKIRA… some christmas floozie… AKIRA… Piper Foxx… AKIRA… AKIRA… Piper Foxx… Piper Foxx… AKIRA…. Piper Foxx…

You know, I don’t know about you, but it looks to you like our, “top crop” here, at least to me, can’t get the goddamn job done!

Janet starts pacing around the gate, pushing herself towards and away from people as she speaks.

Now, here I am, inches away from finally fixing my problem, and I have two giant roadblocks in my way. So last week while I was at home, I had to ask myself, “Which of these two’s asses do I feel like kickin most?”

I sat there with my bag of Hardy’s, and I ate my spicy chicken sandwich. I washed it down with a shot of whiskey. I brushed up the crumbs. I wiped my face. That’s when it hit me. A sharp pain, right there, right on the cheek.

Janet starts tapping her bruised cheek.

That’s when I remember Homebound, I remembered my fatal fourway where I didn’t wrestle with AKIRA, I didn’t have a match with AKIRA, I fought AKIRA. And what a damn good fight that was! I haven’t fought like that in years! That’s when I realized that of the two, AKIRA wasn’t the piece of living trash, that must be Piper Foxx. I wanted to fight Piper Foxx!

Now I’m excited, there’s a woman here who I can fight! A woman who after I finish my job, I can find, and we can just start beating the shit out of each other! After I throw out Piper Foxx, and after I throw out Sony Octave, I got an opponent lined up.

I turned on my big ass TV, I switched the channel over, and I started watching NGW. I started watching AKIRA vs Rami Young, ready to see a fight! And what did I see? I saw AKIRA getting punked out like a bitch.

Now what the hell? How did that happen? How did AKIRA get the shit kicked out of her like a Brit in a flossing contest? That’s when it dawned on me: the bitch called AKIRA.

That’s who’s supposed to be our enforcer? That’s our muscle? Someone who openly admits to being a little bitch? The lady who was Kelsey Hayes’s bitch for months? The lady who’s been Ken Donahue’s bitch ever since the HoH split? The lady who fights lackeys like those dipshit twins, then gets beaten like a dog in a real fight? That’s our number three? That’s who’s been getting shot after shot after shot? That’s who’s been failing to do her job over and over and over and over and over and over?

Yeah well I’ll tell you what, I found that out, and now I’m pissed off!

The crowd yells back to her in unison.

Pissed off!

You think I’m gonna sit back and let some little bitch screw over my division because she can’t live her precious girlhood dream?

Uh uh!

Piper Foxx can sit safely at home and eat a stick of schnitzel for all I care, because there’s a disgusting spill in my ring that I need cleaned. The spill of a sorry little girl with some sorry little dreams. Dreams of, “I want to be the Women’s Champion! I want to be the baddest bitch in all the land! I know I can I know I can!”

Well I’m no genie, but I think I can make one of those dreams come true. I can help you be a bitch when I embarrass your ass on international pay-per-view. I don’t want to wrestle you. I don’t want to hit you with a chair. I want to beat you down in your, ‘specialty’, in front of the entire world.

Janet reaches in her back pocket and pulls out a contract. It appears to have Ken Donahue’s signature at the bottom.

Two women, one cage. No pansy little three counts, just submissions, and knocking each other the hell out. You, me, Departure: Lion’s Den.

Who says dreams can’t come true? Couple of weeks and the world will finally recognize you for what you’ve always wanted to be: a bad bitch. You’re welcome.

Janet drops her microphone at her feet. She sarcastically flashed the camera a thumbs up as she walks back into the arena halls.