Z & Glee Broadcast #∞ | The Spoof

It's a wet, chilly evening in Great Falls, Montana as a lone man named Brad Yates pulls his car up just outside the Four Seasons arena. Growing sick and tired of his job as a cameraman for the wrestling promotion, CMV, Brad would love nothing more than to just quit and walk out and find somewhere that would give him the appreciation he feels he deserves so much. But alas, the part time student can't afford to not have the money or risk living on the streets, so reluctantly, he exits the vehicle, taking his camera equipment with him and enters the arena, preparing for the night's show; Saturday Night Genesis.

As he enters the arena, most of his coworkers and a few of the lesser known talent are already hard at work setting everything up. Knowing it'd be rude of him to not help out his coworkers, Brad begins to unpack his equipment and help set up too, after all he knows that they must feel the same as he does. It is that moment though that some noises begin echoing around the arena and a few men are heard talking. All the workers look around at each other confused for a brief minute before the titantron turns on and they see a man attempting to set up a camera on a few boxes with two others in the background sitting on some foldable chairs, playing Pokemon: Sun and Moon which they somehow must have gotten early copies of, on their Nintendo devices. As the man finally gets the camera sitting just right he takes a step back and reveals himself to be none other than the CMV Anarchy champion, Jacob Ziegler. With everyone in the arena looking as confused as he is, Mr Yates accepts what's going on as a welcome distraction to his work and pulls up a chair of his own, and begins watching the men on the titantron.

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Ziegler: You know it wouldn't hurt for one of you to help me out here... Dammit Paul is that my 3DS?

As Jake walks back from the camera the other two men come into frame more clearly and are revealed to be Ziegler's Coalition buddies, Paul Anderson and Xander Slate.

Anderson: I'm a Pokemon master, Jacob. Your Pokemon needed some tender love and care.

Slate: It's true, don't argue with us, we Pokemon masters know what we're doing.

Ziegler sighs and snatches his 3DS from a disappointed Anderson and checks to make sure his beloved Pokemon are okay.

Ziegler: Did you evolve my Roseycheeks!?

Anderson: Yes. I speak Pikachu, its what she wanted. If you took better care of Roseycheeks you'd know that.

Jacob hesitantly accepts Roseycheeks' life choices and puts his Nintendo off to the side.

Ziegler: So we ready now guys?

Anderson and Slate: Lets Do it!

The three men suddenly become all giddy and turn to face the poorly set-up camera. Ziegler pulls some peppermint breath spray out of his left pocket in his swanky leather jacket and sprays some into his own mouth, then turns and sprays some over the entire faces of Slate and Anderson. Before they have a chance to react, Z starts...

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Ziegler: Heeeey everyone! I'm Z...

Anderson and Slate: And we're Glee!

Ziegler: And we're broadcasting from some backroom storage cupboard. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Z & Glee: Sometime in the evening!

Slate: That's right, and what a stacked show we have for you all today.

Ziegler: We sure do, why don't you guys tell our listeners what we have in store for them.

Slate: Well everyone, I think I'll start by telling you all what I'm most excited for on the show today. It's a brand new segment completely unique to us here on this show called... "Have you kicked it in the front of the back of the head!?" More on that later.

Xander winks for the ladies and possibly gents out there. We don't know his story, don't judge him.

Anderson: That is exciting for sure Xander, but I can't wait for our interview right here tonight with current CMV superstar and one half of the Tag Team Champions, probably the weak link, Tim LaFaav!

Slate: Dammit Paul, we've been over this! It's LaFave. As in, "Favorite."

Anderson: It is?

Slate: Yes!

Anderson: Oh. I thought it was LaFaav. As in, "LaFackin Bullshit!"

Ziegler: Regardless of how you say his name, he'll be here in just a little bit with us, but first lets start the show by talking a little about what's currently going on in CMV shall we? And I think there's only one place we can start. Ladies and gentlemen, last week I stepped into the ring against a seven-foot monster called Marcantel in the hopes to take back MY Anarchy Championship. Now, I'm not going to say it was easy, I'm not going to... Well actually yeah I am. It was a complete shut out and I put the big man down without breaking a sweat to take back what's rightfully mine.

Anderson and Slate begin to clap as if there were a whole audience of people doing the same in support of the new Anarchy champion. There probably were after all.

Ziegler: Now rightfully so, I have the week off. I didn't compete on Monday Night Fusion, nor am I competing here tonight at Genesis. However not to worry fans, every other member of the most dominant group in this company right now was in action on Fusion. Lets talk about that shall we?

Anderson: Do we have to?

Ziegler: Yes.

Jacob picks a few papers up from the floor and begins flipping through them.

Ziegler: Let's see, so what do we have here. Oh... Well oh dear, I guess lets start with you Paul shall we? So you were set to face Hayden once again to kick off the show, if Hayden won then he would be granted entry into the Coalition family. That's not who you fought though was it? Instead, Hayden cowardly sent out someone to fight for him, someone named Kristopher Ann? And the newbie beat you Paul. Wanna explain that?

Anderson: You know, the element of surprise is a powerful tool when utilized correctly. I was prepared for Hayden, I would have beaten up Hayden. Next time Ann wont be so lucky.

Ziegler: Indeed, indeed. Moving on, our brothers who aren't here at the moment, Bison and Duo Maxwell, were in tag team action against JustIN Sane and one of the two men that will be attempting to take away my Anarchy Championship at Cause & Effect, Shanaz Andoni. Poor Shanaz.

Slate: Poor Shanaz.

Anderson: Poor Shanaz.

Ziegler: They done gone and killed him. He must've shat his wee pink frillies. Sane didn't even get to tag in. Rest in peace.

The three men lower their heads and give a moments silence for the possible death of Shanaz Andoni before swiftly continuing.

Ziegler: Last but not least we have the Slateman. The granpapa to our little family, Xander Slate. Xander here had his first match in the Cyborg invitational this week against Ringo Max. It was a hell of a match, with our man right here coming out on top and tying Fear atop the the table. Xander, buddy, you ARE the table.

Just like before, Anderson and now Ziegler begin clapping for Xander as if there's an audience of people doing the same. Someone is even heard whistling in the background.

Slate: Thank you, thank you.

Ziegler: Now tonight, all of us rightfully so have the night off. However there is one match I'd like to give a special mention to, and that match is Slick B against Sushi-X. Sushi, can I call you Sue? Sue, buddy, you should probably not show up tonight. It'd be a shame if you got hurt... God I hate fish.

Slate: We all hate fish.

Anderson: I like fish.

The two men don't even notice Paul saying this and he just sits there almost as if he's about to cry a little.

Ziegler: There's just one more thing I'd like to touch on before we move onto our next segment, and I'd like to ask you guys. Scott Norrie in the Hall of Fame, deserved?

Slate: No.

Anderson: No.

Ziegler: Absolutely not. Well anyway, it's time for "Have you kicked it in the front of the back of the head!?" Now as this is the first time this game is being played, definitely the first time, not a rip off of anything else, allow me to explain the rules. I'm going to ask Paul here if he has kicked any 5 people or things in the front of the back of the head. If he hasn't, I win. If he has, he wins. The first one to get 3 correct is the winner and the loser has to take a punishment which our referee here, Mr Slate, will make sure is kept. If I lose, I have to call a random number and tell that person to fuck off, no matter if it's man, woman or child. If Paul loses, he has to call a woman who for safety reasons shall not be named, and apologize for his spunky past. Ready?

Anderson and Slate: Ready!

Ziegler: Lets do it. Paul, have you ever kicked ME in the front of the back of the head?

Anderson: Well that's hardly fair, you know I haven't kic...

Ziegler: DING! 1-0 to Z. Have you ever kicked your mother?

Anderson: Yes. Long story, all you need to know is she deserved it.

Ziegler: Crap. Have you ever kicked Donald Trump?

Anderson: I have indeed. He was campaigning in Georgia at the time and I was driving to the local pet store. My cat needed food you see. Anyway, a bunch of his dumbass supporters were in the way and blocking the path. I had enough and kicked him in the front of the back of the head.

Ziegler Fffff... Have you ever kicked Brad Yates?

Anderson: Who?

Ziegler: YES! Okay we're tied at 2-2, last one. Have you ever kicked that guy in the front of the back of the head?

Z points to a man standing in the back behind Anderson who is still clapping and whistling away. Paul stands up and calmly walks over to the man before violently kicking him in the front of the back of the head, finally shutting him up.

Anderson: Yes.

Slate: Winner!

Ziegler: LaFackin...

Slate: You know the rules, Z get dialing.

Paul takes his seat once again as a grumpy Ziegler picks up the phone and begins dialing a random number. Shortly after a voice is heard on the other side of the phone and Xander and Paul struggle to contain their laughter.

Ziegler: Hel... Hello? Yes, who is this? Can you repeat.. Sir your stupid accent is making it difficult to underst... No it is dumb. Matthew Sch... Schmidt? Okay, so Matthew Schmidt? Yeah, uh huh. You know what, screw it. Mr Schmidt, fuck you!

Jake slams the phone down in frustration, damn rednecks.

Ziegler: That was horrendous.

Anderson and Slate: Glorious.

Ziegler: Well anyway. It's almost time for our interview with Mr Tim LaFaav but first, a word from our sponsors.

Ziegler clears his throat and the two other men lift some shaving supplies from the ground next to them so the camera can see and put on some clearly false smiles.

Ziegler: Do you want ultimate closeness and ultimate comfort with your next shave? Well the solution, is in your hand. Edge sensitive skin shaving gel... Uhh, go shave!

The three drop the products and go back to their giddy old selves.

Ziegler: I wish a few of the vixens would take the solution into their hands... Well guys we're nearing the end of our broadcast but we have one last big segment to bring to you. Please welcome to the show, everybody's LaFavourite guy, Tim LaFave!

After a minute of nobody entering the frame, Ziegler stands up and sets his Anarchy championship off to the side before pulling up another chair and moving to the opposite side of the frame.

Slate: Welcome to the show Tim.

Ziegler: Good to be here Xander, I like what you've done with the place. I wish I was this creative.

Anderson: Aww don't be hard on yourself Tim, I'm sure you have interesting hobbies too.

Ziegler: Na I really don't. I suck. Oh hey is that Edge sensitive skin shaving gel!? Can I have it?

Slate: Uhh, yeah. Of course. I didn't know you shaved.

Ziegler: Oh I don't. I can't grow hair you see, not a real man yet. My mum will love this though.

Anderson: Speaking of your mum, Cass her name is right? She'll be returning to action soon I hear. How old is she now?

Ziegler: Oh she is ancient, like god damn. Hilariously she'll probably outlast me though because I'm not talented but you know how it is.

Slate: Uh huh, uh huh. If we could just get back onto the topic of you though, you were brought into CMV and I pretty much paved the way for you. Me and Randy Borton took you under our wings and let you be here. Many say that without us, you wouldn't have made it here. What are your thoughts on that?

Ziegler: Umm I don't think much. I'm not very bright so I don't know how to but if I had to guess, I'd say they're probably right. I mean look at me, the only reason I haven't drowned in this place yet is because of Lee holding me up.

Anderson: You say that there but you've held the Anarchy championship have you not just like our own Jacob Ziegler here? Formerly the hardcore championship.

Ziegler: Well yeah but I should never have been in that title picture. I didn't deserve it. I mean I stole the championship just so I was relevant, I should have been arrested. I'm just a really horrible person.

Slate: Well that's a shame. Lets forget about the Anarchy championship and talk about your other titles, the Tag Team championships. You and Kevin Lee are in your second reign now correct?

Ziegler: Correct, and I have to say, it's been all Kevin Lee's work. Like I am just useless in that team to him. You know, everyone assumes that the "T" in T & Lee stands for Tim. They're half right. It stands for Tim-id, timid. I'm as terrified as I am useless. The second he drops me as a partner, my pathetic career is basically over.

Anderson: Poor Tim.

Slate: Poor Tim.

Ziegler: Poor me.

Anderson: Well when the day comes when Kevin does drop you as a partner. What do you think you will do?

Ziegler: Well I guess I'll just stick around and put over all of the young talent. At that point it's all I'll be useful for so why not right?

Anderson: That's very noble of you.

Slate: One last question for you Tim, what are your views on this ongoing war engulfing CMV?

Ziegler: Well both of the two groups have some big names in their corner. Both the Corporation and you guys, the Coalition.

Anderson: Two groups?

Ziegler: Oh yeah, three groups. I forgot the minute men, my bad. Anyway, as I was saying there are some big names in this fight, but I think the Coalition have this in the bag and can basically do whatever the hell they want to. This is their yard.

Slate: Thank you Tim so much for coming on the show and good luck for whatever your future holds.

Ziegler: It was a pleasure guys. Thank you.

Ziegler stands up out of the chair and walks off the side of the frame before you can see him walking back around to the other side behind Paul and Xander. He picks up his championship once again and assumes his original position at the start of the show.

Ziegler: Well everyone, that's sadly all we have time for tonight but don't worry. You'll be seeing us again next Monday on Fusion! Say goodbye guys.

Anderson and Slate: Goodbye everyone!

Ziegler: Goodbye.

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It is then that Brad Yates snaps back to reality and all the work he still has to complete before the start of tonight's show. He's no longer sad though, the three men have done enough to brighten up his day with their fantastic broadcast and maybe, just maybe, they made your day a little brighter too.

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Thank you to Dashing & SlymR for letting me borrow Xander and Anderson to write this promo with them. Also thank you to Tim for being such a good sport. I had a lot of fun writing this so hopefully you all enjoy it.

<3 Fucking loved it.