"Eggnog Boy" "Hackerman" Tracy James

War, war never changes.

Well nah not really it usually does.

It’s changing for Tracy anyway with how many war movies he’s been watching to try and motivate himself.

So sits the hacker comfortable on his sofa with his fireplace going, surrounded by family photos of him and his broken armed father. Distraught and self victimizing, the same way he’s always been acting since another defeat to Walter Bolek. Despite his home being filled with holiday spirit and decorations, well, his heart is only filled with holiday gloom. One big sigh of gingerbread tinted breath and a stare down at his hands, how come Kliq the group of almost retired veterans are having much more fun than he is? They’re the evil people! This is the trivia that’s haunting him. Tracy joined this war for somewhat of a selfish reason with just wanting to toughen himself up and get battlefield certified scars to show off. Even with him being targeted by the most dangerous supergroup in CMV history still focused on trying to improve his identity. Classic Tracy but like the same classic breakup song being repeated over and over again, Tracy is going to be disappointed again and again so it seems. He knows he’s sort of the weak link here, the grunt that’s supposed to be shot. Slate got an intimidatingly awesome big boss eyepatch, Tracy is probably going to suffer less awesome serious injuries.

But hey, he’s got to do it. For himself even if himself is doubting this was ever worth it and is considering going AWOL.

Too many thoughts aren’t going to relieve doubts, only reinforce them. Enjoy the current day to prepare for tomorrow as his papa would say. Tracy moves his hand to the side to pick up an open half gallon of eggnog he was sipping on-

Wait a second.

“The Worst Santa Claus Ever” Santa Bob:
Sit at home with your eggnog and watch your new friends get PUMMELED!

“Hackerman” Tracy James:
PSSSH-MMMM GAH-GRRRR EAAHH UGGGGGGGGH

GOD DAMN IT!

Tracy’s eyes widen and he realizes he’s fulfilling the prophecy set forward by Santa Bob and heaves the container hail mary style against the wall! It implodes leaving a soggy disgusting feeling on the rug underneath it which will without a doubt stain it. Tracy, like the real man he is, is going to protest his frustrations with his fists! How Americans should! So he

He uhh…

Just punches his couch angrily while grunting. God that’s uh, something isn’t it?

“Eggnog Boy” “Hackerman” Tracy James:
He’s not from the north pole, how could he have gotten that right? Wait wait wait no way, there’s not a chance…

“The Worst Santa Claus Ever” Santa Bob:
Ryan Kent banging your girlfriend!

“Eggnog Boy” ”Girlfriend Currently Being Banged By Ryan Kent”  “Hackerman” Tracy James:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AGHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOO!

He flails his legs kicking the table in front of him and then pops to his feet, there’s no way he’s going to let his beloved be taken by the Firestarter! His beloved which he knew for years, his beloved which he met in grade school! His beloved that goes by no name since Tracy is single and that realization only dawned in his cerebral cortex when he was halfway to his door.  That moment of time that the omnipresent Santa Claus has said has not been written the red tread of fate yet. Tracy realizes what he must do, he can’t just sit here and let what’s going to happen happen. It’s time to stand up, it’s time to do something only he can do. It’s time to hack the strings of fate and rebel against the all knowing nature of Santa! This is war and he isn’t planning on running into the woman stealing landmine known as Ryan Kent. Stand up Tracy, time to become a man.

“Hackerman” Tracy James:
I’ll be a part of that show. I’ll help my side win. I will not allow adultery happening in my life. Tracy James will be the stray bullet that no one saw coming right through the back of Kliq! I will become THE BEST MAN IN THE LAND!

He slaps himself across the chest and lets out a mighty “HOOAH!” a phrase the valiant soldiers yelled before a great battle, he theorizes anyway. But rather than making a full force dash to Randy Borton himself, he grabs his laptop and instead opens it. What is he planning to do?