A Cig To Celebrate Change

*Lipnick and Reeves have already departed up the ramp as unsavoury language directed Chain Reaction’s way is chanted in unison*

Perry Heenan:

Get me a mic! Get me a mic!

HA HA HA! Look at ‘em. Look at ‘em. Fickle as ever, the CMV universe once again celebrating the accomplishments and living their lives through others because they’re too lethargic and bone idle to pursue this themselves. What you see this as some kind of victory? You think you’ve some how participated in sticking it to Dante Tatum?


*A heavily breathing Perry Heenan briefly passes the mic to Tatum. He rolls out to ringside grabbing two towels, a steel chair and pack of cigars from the timekeepers area before climbing back into the ring and taking it back. He nurses his and Tatum’s open wounds with the towels before bellowing once again*

Sit there and smoke that because I’m proud of you tonight. You’re listening and you’re already reaping the reward of having me in your corner. The Dante Tatum of old wouldn’t be in there thinking about conserving himself ahead of his prize fight. We seen it last season. Even after a near career ending injury you STILL had that stubborn motif of making sure each and everyone one of these idiots got their money’s worth. Push came to shove and you went into the title match you spent six months dreaming of, using as your motivation to get in the shape you are today at what 60%?

With that gnarly gash below your eye tapping tonight was a Magnus Carlsen type play. You went through the ringer and showed endeavour last week. You secured your place at the high roller table LAST WEEK. And in doing so you earned this luxurious position where anything between last week and Defcon 3 is irrelevant, meaningless because whatever the results you’re STILL going to be in that match. So WHY have another grueller? Tyson Fury was in the ring sparing last week, but he wasn’t going pedal to the metal, 20 minutes or so against another high ranked competitor days before Dillian Whyte.

I wouldn’t expect you foul-mouthed, anime-profiled bottom-feeders who have undoubtedly hopped on social media already and sent a whitty tweet our way to understand but CONSERVATISM makes these sports. And so with his newly found understanding of such I smoke this cigar in celebration of THE NEW DANTE TATUM!

SMOKING ON THAT CMV UNIVERSE PACK; Denied of the banger they spent the last week fantasising about!

*Heenan lets a mockingly mannered chuckle into the mic before carelessly tossing it to ringside. He takes the lighter used by Tatum earlier and places the cigar in his mouth before raising “The Bastard’s” hand to end the broadcast*