The Weight of Sin: Confrontation

by Jason Spade Fri Jan 27, 2023 1:53 am

It’s been raining.

Jason Spade’s shoes sink into the mud with every step he takes, but his steps are no less determined, his pace measured and focused. That is until he sees a silhouette in the distance, a figure with her arms behind her back, a back that’s turned toward Spade.

For a moment, a thought flashes through his mind: the idea of charging, of fighting, of settling things right here and now in the middle of nowhere. And for a moment, his steps do quicken, bordering on a jog; he’s closing the distance rapidly, finally given a moment to return the favor after the months of Val has put him through…and to prevent the months more that she’s promised.

He grits his teeth, and feels his fists instinctively clench into tight fists.

“You’re earlier than expected.”

Right.

The rain and the mud.

You don’t need to be Tailcoat Val to hear someone approaching you from a mile away. Still, she doesn’t feel threatened enough to turn and look at him. She knows, just like Spade knew -- deep down inside -- that he’s not the sort to settle his business like that.

“Though I suppose that shouldn’t come as a surprise,” she says, with a hint of uncharacteristic playfulness in her voice. “I’m sure you’ve been eager to have a word with me, hmm? Perhaps even a little more?”

Spade unfurls his fists and tightens the straps of the backpack around his shoulders. Then, with a sigh, he shoves his hands in his pockets.

“When you put it like that, this almost sounds like a date.”

“I hope you didn’t have too much trouble finding your way here,” she says, ignoring him. “After all, this isn’t your first time here, nor your second. I’d be a little hurt if this place didn’t hold a special spot in your heart.”

Spade looks past Val, eyeing the rotten remains of Val’s old compound, the very same one he’d had a hand in destroying. He thought for a moment about how it felt so long ago as to be like a dream; a dream of better times, when he was so sure that he was doing the right thing that it came as naturally as breathing.

“Yeah. Real special,” he says, an attempt at sarcasm. ”Really brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it? No pun intended. To be honest, knowing you, I’m surprised it’s not rebuilt and back up and running. For a while, I thought…”

He pauses, looking for the words.

“I thought it was over.”

“I thought so too.”

Silence hangs in the air for a long time.

“I thought you had gotten these antics out of your system. I respected you enough to give you the benefit of the doubt. Then Madison found a way to contact me, voice weak from screaming, tears in her eyes from the devastation of your betrayal,” an intentionally cutting choice of words. “It’s not lost on me what it takes for someone to come to me for help.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

There’s a hint of exasperation in his voice.

“Do you honestly think that I sat there, proud of what I did? You think I was happy, carrying that belt around knowing what I did to get it? Do you think it felt good?”

Spade pulls his hands out of his pockets and stares at them as though he can’t comprehend that they’re his.

“It didn’t start out like that… It was real, for a while. I lost myself to my demons. I can never really atone for that, no matter how hard I try. And I dragged someone down with me. I don’t care if Madison forgives me because I will never forgive myself. But that’s not enough for you…”

His tone is accusatory now. Spade gestures around them at the rubble sticking out of the mud.

“Look around you, Val. This is my legacy, not yours. Everywhere I’ve ever been, this is what I’ve left behind. This is what it’s all about, really, deep down. You’re still seething mad that I came in and broke all your toys. Madison didn’t need to contact you, you would’ve come eventually. I mean, if the roles were reversed, I would have too.”

Spade returns his hands to his pockets. After a moment he adds, with a tone of levity, “To be perfectly honest, if I’d know the cats were gonna bring a fucking rocket launcher, I probably wouldn’t have invited them.”

Val chuckles softly. It’s a surreal sound, one that seemed impossible to come from someone like her.

“They did have a penchant for the absurd.” She turns and finally looks at Spade, a gleam of mischievousness in her eye. “Thankfully they sorted themselves out and saved me the resources.”

She takes a moment to size Spade up. What she hadn’t gathered from his tone, she’s shoring up that gap by studying his body language and facial expressions.

“It would be so much easier for you, wouldn’t it? If I was furious for what you did, if this was simply revenge for the crippling of my Arsenal, but alas…” She motions toward what remains of years of work: scorched debris and cat fur, “I haven’t rebuilt because I want this to remain a monument of my failure. I left you alone because I underestimated you, and you bested me.

She looks straight into Spade’s eyes.

“I deserved what I got.”

Spade’s own eyes widen at what he hears.

“But much like Xander Slate, you gave me a reason to pick up where things left off. You all fought so hard to rid CMV of me, lying to the fans of posturing as though I were a threat that had to be stopped at all costs. And yet… look at what happens when you lot are left to your own devices: Slate terrorizes CMV with the Kliq, Hoxton threatens the welfare of a nation, and you,” she spits out the next sentence: “You’re you.”

Spade looks her dead in the eye, and- to her surprise- begins to laugh. He chuckles freely, as though she had just told him a joke.

“I’m sorry, i-it’s not funny… Right?”

He chuckles again.

“See, it’s… It actually is kind of funny. Because you’re right! You are, as much as it pains me to admit, completely and utterly correct.”

Spade pauses, beginning to pace back and forth.

“I mean, who would’ve thought? Slate is a menace, Hoxton has been a complete lunatic for as long as I’ve known him, and… Well, yeah. I’m me.”

Spade stops pacing, and looks at Val, meeting her gaze. His hands return to his pockets.

“You’re right. I’m not a very good person. I guess stopping you was my desperate attempt to… Be good. To do the right thing. Maybe I was just riding off the high of being Undisputed Champion, of finally closing the biggest unfinished chapter of my past, and finally being accepted by CMV. It’s true, it would be a lot easier if this was just you getting your hits back in for me screwing up all your work, but I guess… Now that I’m here, looking you in the eye, I think you genuinely do believe that you’re doing this for something more.”

Spade stops talking, thinking to himself for a moment.

“Here’s the thing though, Val. You’re still not the hero of this story. You think you’re punishing a sinner, you think you’re cleansing CMV of some kind of… I don’t know, impurity. But you’re not. No amount of punishment- physical or otherwise- from you will come even close to the things I’ve done to myself. I don’t… Like to hurt people.”

Spade points to Val’s missing eye.

“That was… I never wanted that. I never wanted to blow up your house. I never wanted to hurt you. Yes, even you! The scourge of my very existence, the-the fuckin’, I don’t know… The goddamn Satan of CMV. And, y’know what, I failed in that. I failed too. And yeah, I failed a lot more people… I let a lot of people down last year, especially Madison Wright. And I’ll live with it, I’ll move on… I’ll do what I always do, I’ll struggle and fight.”

Another pause, longer this time.

“But you can’t do that, can you? Those missteps, those failures… They eat you up inside, don’t they? Doesn’t it just burn you, right down to your rotten little core, that you failed to do something that you so very desperately believed was right? Be honest with me Val, it hurts doesn’t it…”

Spade looks her in the eye.

“To know that you failed them… Amaiyah. Suraci. If you really thought you were doing the right thing, then knowing that you couldn’t…”

Spade laughs again.

“Boy, that just eats you up, doesn’t it?”

In two imperceptibly quick strides, Val closes the distance between the two. She grabs two fistfuls of Spade’s hoodie and pulls him in close.

“DON’T.”

Those hands are shaking, anger coursing through her, fueling her, pushing her to escalate things beyond what they both thought imaginable.

It even begins to rain again--as if the weather were at the whim of Val’s emotions.

“You speak with the unearned confidence of a man who thinks he knows what he’s talking about--who thinks he understands the danger that he’s in.”

The words flow out of her in a growl as she battles to maintain her composure.

“You think I want to be a hero, but that title comes with shackles that prevent doing what needs to be done. If ridding CMV of people like you makes this company soar, well then I suppose that says a lot about what a deadweight you’ve been.”

Spade has a satisfied smirk on his face, knowing that he’s way deeper under Val’s skin than even he imagined.

“You,” she swallows and tries again. “What you are, Jason, is a dog--a mutt. One who has gotten a little too comfortable being off of his leash, and now you’ve gone and bitten the wrong person. Your struggling and fighting…that’s not an admirable trait; it’s pathetic. It’s a sign that you don’t know when to quit, and that’s why anyone who’s ever cared about you has abandoned you…if you didn’t walk away first.”

She sneers, her words are coming fast and violently.

“And that’s why it’s time for someone to put that leash back on you,” they’re nose to nose now, “and hang you with it.”

The smirk is gone, and Spade pushes Val away from him, a little more forcefully than he probably needed to, but definitely not as hard as he wanted to.

“Better men than you have tried. And yet, here I stand. The truth is, Val, I would love nothing more than to go out on my sword. Because you’re right, there’s nobody left… Not a single person who cares. Maybe that is my fault, maybe it is a sign that I’ve overstayed my welcome, but hey… Haven’t we all?”

Spade grins again.

“But you… No, it’s not going to be you. No, Val, you don’t deserve to be the one to end Jason Spade. You say I’m a dog, but you, you’re a cancer… A massive, cancerous growth that I didn’t cut deep enough into the first time. The fact that I’m standing here, after everything, should be proof enough that you can’t do it. You’re in over your head and you have no idea the monster you’ve unleashed.”

All humor is gone now from Spade’s tone as he takes a step towards Val, looming over her like a dark shadow.

“I will rip and tear every single ounce of your cancer out of CMV. I will embrace every single deep, dark, black sin attached to my soul and turn it against you in a typhoon of rage that’ll make the Devil blush. You wanted to break me, prove that I’m just as evil as you, well, you’ve got it, babe… But you’re gonna regret it.”

Spade is closer to her now, and again they’re almost nose-to-nose.

“I told you that I didn’t want to hurt you, not really, and that was true… Was. Now, I can see you for what you are. You’re no evil genius, no knight in black armor standing up for women everywhere, and you’re certainly no defenseless woman yourself. You’re a demon, an avatar of Hell, come to collect my soul but you will get nothing. You may be a demon, a monster, but I am the abyss itself, come to life and you… You blinked.”

She blinked…and then she smiled. And then she raises her hand and gives Spade a maternal pat on the cheek.

“You’re amazing.”

Val sounds like she’s genuinely in awe. She begins to move, walking around Spade in a circle.

“Defiant until the end.”

For a long time she doesn’t say anything. This is a battle of wits, a game of the ages being played by two masters who know every move and who are always thinking several steps ahead. It’s hard to tell whether Val’s still posturing, angling for an advantage in this duel or matter-of-factly explaining to Spade how this game will play out. Either way, she chooses her next words carefully.

“You think there’s honor in this? Glory? Pleasure? This is simply something that must be done because you have overstayed your welcome, yes, and it’s begun to reflect poorly on me. You think when I take my final breath ending your existence will be among my defining accomplishments? No! This? All of this is a prelude to the worst that’s yet to come.”

Her voice takes on an otherworldly coldness.

“I want you to understand something,” she says flatly, “You want to believe that you’re here because you’ve bested me. You needle me as though you have the upperhand…You fool! You’re standing here because I’ve allowed it.”

She’d been standing behind Spade when she delivered that message, and he whirls around to face her.

“We’ve danced this dance for so long…why rush its conclusion? It didn’t sound like a rhetorical question, but she gives Spade no chance to answer. But you don’t have a lot of time left.”

“YOU DON’T GET IT!”

The sudden volume in Spade’s voice actually takes Val aback; she flinches in surprise, even taking a short half-step backwards.

“There is no scenario for you except for failure. You can’t beat me. You’ve started something that you can’t stop. We’re past honor and glory, Val. I have nothing to gain from this. I’m going to hurt you because I want to. You got what you wanted; I’m a monster, and I won’t deny it anymore.”

Spade turns his back to her, his hands returning to his pockets.

“But in the end… We’ve both lost.”

And with that final word, Spade begins to walk away.

“You don’t have a lot of time left,” she repeats herself causing Spade to sigh heavily--it’s been an emotionally taxing night, and he somehow feels as exhausted as he’s ever been after some of his most grueling matches. “But there’s enough of it remaining for you to make one last thing right. That I can do for you.”

Spade can’t muster the energy to respond, but at least he’s stopped walking.

He’s listening.

“Validation... As we’ve established,” she again motions toward what remains of her facilities, “My resources at the moment are limited, and I’d rather not interject myself into every situation that arises in CMV where a man lusts for power he’s not fit to wield.”

She flashes a wicked grin.

“I’d never get anything done.”

Spade clenches his jaw; he saw what we all did: Brother siccing an unthinking wild animal on Sister, threatening to snap her neck, to end her if she didn’t relinquish power.

And yet she hasn’t.

At Validation, war will be waged with the fate of CMV hanging in the balance.

“And as such, I have a favor to request: join Madison’s team.”

Spade laughs exasperatedly.

“Why would I do that?”

“You say you’re done apologizing…show her that you mean it. Show her that you can be selfless, that you can fight for something bigger than you, where you have little to gain. Show her that she wasn’t a goddamn fool for thinking you were worth loving. Show me you're a fraction of the man you claim to be, and I'll make your end swift as a show of my appreciation.”

“Really…”

It’s not a question, nor a statement; more of an expression of pure irritation.

“You think that you can come to me and make demands? You think you can tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it, after everything you’ve done? You, you… I should just–”

Spade turns back towards her, as if to advance upon her. He raises his hands in a choking gesture; he knows that he could probably do it right now, just take her down and finish this right here, in the dark where nobody would see it, nobody would know… But no. That’s not how it needs to be done.

“What, you want me to tell you that I’ll do it out of the goodness of my heart? Tell you that I’ll do it as one final act of atonement, to wash away my bad deeds?”

“No.” Val turns around and clasps her hands behind her back, as she was when Spade first approached her earlier in the night. “Tell her.”

Spade lowers his shoulders, surprised. Then he shakes his head.

“Fine… Fine, why not!? But… I want something from you.”

Spade reaches into the backpack he’s carrying and produces the broken mask of Tailcoat Val, the same one that he broke years ago during that fateful night. Spade throws it into the mud between them, where it lands with an audible splat.

“We’re gonna end this. One more match. No more games, no more words, no more tricks. You and me, in the ring, one last time… No Arsenal, no Madison. No disqualifications. No mercy.”

Spade turns his back again.

“We’re not so different, you know… Not really. We’re both too stupid to know when to give up.”

And again, Spade begins to walk away. Val turns to look at him, a pensive expression on her face. She looks down at the broken mask in the mud- a symbol of failure that Jason Spade once thought represented his greatest victory. Like the compound around them, it sinks deeper into the ground, buried by the weight of its past, not unlike Spade himself. Perhaps, she mused, not unlike herself.

Spade is gone now, disappeared past the tree line. Val turns away from where he was and folds her arms behind her back.

There is much to prepare for.