A new face of FEAR?

by DullChameleon Mon Jul 31, 2023 6:33 pm

We catch up with Shanaz backstage where he is playing Old Maid with The Angel. The Angel notices the camera and nods at Shanaz. Shanaz looks up from his cards and speaks.

“Oh yes yes, Shanaz very glum chum bum to lose wrestle walk game, but…”

He pauses. A frown quickly passes over his face. He sighs, and looks down. Something changes in his body language. His shoulders straighten a bit more? His eyes are slightly duller? His manic energy seems to dissipate in the air? He looks back at the camera.

“Ok, you know what I can’t do this anymore. It’s just too exhausting, and I won the damn bet 12 years ago anyway, so what’s the point? Look, my name isn’t Shanaz Andoni. I’m not even a wrestler. I’m an out of work actor who was watching “Kazaam” in the theater with his bros in 1996, and one of my friends made a joke like “Hey Shaq should be a wrestler” and I snorted and said “Fuck that, I’d even make a better wrestler than Shaq”. And so, the bet was made. The terms were that I would have to join a wrestling promotion and win at least one championship belt under a persona we all created together that night Shanaz Andoni. My real name is Michael Smith. I’m no one. I’m as generic as they come. There’s nothing interesting about me at all. My wife is called Jennifer. We have 2 children, Christopher and Melissa. We make vanilla ice cream look interesting. We live in a town called Franklin. We have a white picket fence. And a dog. Becoming Shanaz felt great at first. I was someone interesting. People seemed to like his crazy view of the world. But it’s all become so stupid. I don’t even like Old Maid. This isn’t even an Angel. It’s just my friend Jason in a costume that he had to wear because he was the worst team in our fantasy football league last year. It’s a 12 team league. We don’t do PPR. There are no keepers. I’m pretty much the most boring person in the whole world. I only eat plain hamburgers and cheese pizza and listen to mid 90s shitty rock. My favorite band is Creed. Being Shanaz was fun for a long time, but recently it’s become so tiresome. I mean, I lost my wife because of Shanaz. Who would want to be married to that guy? My kids hate me. The pay has been pretty good, but if the only thing you have to spend it on is common Magic The Gathering card packs then what good is it? No, it’s time for all this to stop. I’m finished here. It’s time to go out and live my dream of getting an RV and visiting every RV lot next to every beautiful piece of scenery in America, but not see any of it because I’m just in the parking lot all the time. Thanks for the ride CMV, it’s been fun, but it’s not fun any…”

Michael? stands up and leaves the room. The door closes behind him. The camera zooms over to The Angel who is in shock.

Jason: “Don’t look at me man, I didn’t have a clue”

The door swings back open and Michael Smith walks in. Again his body language changes. A mischievous glint is back? His shoulders shift a bit? A manic energy fills the air?

He laughs. “No no, Shanaz just playing tricksy with you friend foes. Shanaz and Angel had bet that Shanaz couldn’t make people go “Snap snap crocodile what the deal now?”, but Shanaz know that he make drop jaw lock jaw Skeletor lose mind and Angel friend owe Shanaz lifetime supply of napkins so Shanaz can wipe face when he sweat or pasta slurp or clean up silly mess from water boy who drop water because nervous to see big famous CMV wrestle men. Yes, Shanaz wish he won against Volunteer Hammock, but Shanaz ok. Shanaz got friend Angel and play Age Maid of Empire. Shanaz now know what future hold, but Shanaz do know that he hold cold beer Friday night when feel alright and Shanaz also know that Shanaz and Angel prank of century!”

Shanaz claps his hands in glee at his little trick, and then sits down to continue the game of Old Maid.

The Angel: “The prophecy approaches. The Message is clear”