Icarus Never Got a Second Chance

by **krzy** Thu Aug 17, 2017 1:44 pm

His name was Mathias Gray.

These are the words heard as an image comes into view. One of a maskless Suraci sitting on a chair in an empty room, this camera on a tripod his only acquaintance in this isolated place. This CMV.com exclusive shows clearly Suraci's reddened eyes. Wrought by complicated emotions, haunted by suffocating fears, Surcai has either been crying or is about to.

His name is Mathias Grey.

His voice is more even, much more under control. He swallows hard before continuing.

Because I know he's still out there. Watching. Waiting. Listening. Plotting. Because that's the guy that he is. Because that's the kind of monster that he'll always be. Mathias Grey and I were never friends. At least not in the beginning. We were just familiar faces from New York trying to make a name for themselves in this company.

I was just Suraci, someone who battled everyday thinking I was nothing and never would amount to be anything. Every time I closed my eyes I fantasized about how easy it would be if I didn't have to play this game anymore. Every time I took my headphones out of my ears I had to deal with the voices reaffirming that nobody would miss me.

But then I discovered Icarus. I read his story. I'm the sick bastard that was inspired by it. Every one always talks about how it ends. Call it a cautionary tale. But to me, it was a promise that I could be so much greater. He got to do something amazing, at least for a little while. I wanted to be like him and feel the warmth of the sun's rays on my back...any kind of warmth would have done, really.

His voice cracks as he struggles to get those last few words out. It takes a deep breath and several seconds of heavy silence before he feels he can press on.

Anything would have been better that the life I was living then. A life of solitude, of holding myself back, not because I was afraid of risks or failure, but because I feared the note of pity in people's lies as they tried to tell me that everything would be okay. It wasn't until Icarus that I realized that I had it all backwards. It wasn't until Icarus that I thought it was possible that I could truly fly.

And so I tried. Sometimes I stayed in the air, sometimes I ended up too close to the hungry ocean, but I'm damn proud of these bruises and these scars because they show that at least I gave it my best shot. No matter what happens at Ascendance, no matter what happens after that, I can look in the mirror and I can say that I gave it everything that I've got. And I can have that be true.

His name is Mathias Grey.

Another heavy sheet of silence falls as Suraci lets the name float there in the air.

It's a name that didn't mean anything to me in NGCW, the first company to allow me to give this wacky dream of mine a fair shot. I became somebody there. I still get goosebumps when I remember some of the wars I've had and the way the crowd cheered for me, I still get goosebumps. But I was alone there and I knew that I wouldn't be able to fend off the wolves on my own.

It was then that Mathias and I formed a kind of alliance. Told each other we'd see to it that the other would make it to the other side. I should have seen the jealousy in his eyes when I won the NGCW Extreme Championship the first time. I should have heard the resentment in his voice when I won it the second time. It wasn't until he attacked me and left me for dead that it finally clicked that we were never friends....or worse, that we were friends, but it meant so little to him that he'd throw it all away for a shot at a title.

Suraci clenches his jaw, biting back words as memories of that saga wash over him.

I never felt so much hatred for a human being before.

And that's a feeling I was terrified of. That's a monster I was hoping would stayed locked up inside of me forever.

But Mathias found a way to pull that out of me in a way he only could. When I first started in this business, I told myself that I wouldn't let it change me. I wouldn't stoop down to anybody's level. I would do this my way and forge my own path. But Mathias found a way to help me break that promise.

The idea that somebody could be so unrelentingly and unflinchingly evil was a foreign thought to me before...and I haven't been the same since I learned that it exits. I haven't been able to trust in the same way since that betrayal, and I haven't been quite able to move on.

He sighs and leans back in the chair, palms pressed against his thighs.

This whole time this duo has been a thing, there's been a thought in the back of my mind that this was my way to atone. I can't help but entertain the thought that I pushed Mathias to do what he did...in my lowest moments I convinced myself that was true. So maybe I overcompensated. Maybe that's why it all fell apart in the Cyborg Invitational. If I won a title at the end of that like in NGCW, would I be looking for trouble?

Those are the kind of thoughts that kept these eyes opened at night. Those are the words the voices spoke if I didn't drown them out. But when Tyson Cage left me to rot in that ring those voices would not be silenced. You lost my trust that day, and you're never getting it back. You two look so different, but now I can't help but see Mathias when I look at you. Now I can't help but ignore everything you say as I wait for your true colors to show and for the lightning of anger and envy to strike me for a second time.

I'm so tired of being unhappy and miserable and looking over my shoulder for the knife and looking overhead for the bomb. I'm so tired. And I know what's being asked of me as Ascendance: to lead the charge to end a reign of terror. But I don't know if I have the energy for it. I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna fight like hell. I always do. But Desolation is a different kind of animal. No matter how I may feel about this team, I don't like losing...especially not when there's so much on the line.

If I have to, I'll drag this team across the finish line on my own. I will become a champion in this company, and I'm not waiting any longer than Ascendance. Whether or not Cage can be depended on, I'm fully prepared to take Desolation on by myself. I didn't make it this far to not believe in miracles.

He chuckles softly, somehow finding humor in all this.

A rational person would have just walked away from this team. I can't. I won't give Cage or anyone else ammo against me. Not anymore. Not again. Monday was a warning shot. When Cage is ready to admit the truth, I'll be right there ready to fight back. I'm not your enemy, Cage, but I'm not your friend either. That ship is long gone. I looked Mathias in the eye and told him the same thing I'm about to tell you.

Suraci leans forward in the chair, his eyes clear, focused and determined.

I don't want to hate you. I don't want to hurt you. But, if you keep pushing me to see how far I'll bend, I will break you.

See you at Ascendance.